Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Weekly Paint Progress: 3/16

This week the purple clouds went from this:

... to this.

That's not a lot of cloud for an exercise in painting clouds.

 

Review: See How They Run

I saw See How They Run on HBO a week ago and was enchanted. So clever, so self-referential, so full of easy charm. Just darling. Nominated for a BAFTA.

Somehow, unhappy people have given it a low score of 6.5 on IMDB. I don't know why these dour people kept saying, "Not that funny." "Thinks it's so clever."

It was clever! It was funny! If you've read more than Agatha Christie story it was really clever and funny.

Honestly, someone should track down these reviewers, preferably by alphabetical order by residence, and give them all whooping cough. 

If you have read more than one Agatha Christie mystery then I highly recommend it.

Oscars

I am liking the winning big graphics on the backdrop, starting with Pinocchio.

So, did Jaime Lee Curtis revise or invent her "we just won an Oscar / Mom and Dad I just won an Oscar" after Ke Huy Quan started with "Mom, I just won an Oscar?"

I do love they were able to sing Happy birthday to James and everyone joined in.

I don't know why they bothered to remake All Quiet on the Western Front. The first one made the point perfectly, and silently. Aren't they all remakes of the same movie with the same point?

"Black Panther clothing designer utilized 3-d technology" ... it warmed my heart to hear utilize used correctly after a long month of listening to my work overlords.

Kimmel referenced The Slap, and I realized this was the first Oscars without my brother calling to entertain himself when it got dull.

Is this Lady Gaga singing the Top Gun song? I thought she wasn't coming. What's the story there?

Cocaine Bear? Delightful. 

Lady in the audience in the obstructing white wrap? Not cool. 

Why is John Travolta so smooth? Is he MADE of Botox?

What happened between In Memoriam and Best Actor? Best Director? I fell asleep. Also, at some point the Talking Heads guy sang a best picture nominee? When was that?

What diva move did this guy accepting for EEAAO have to pull to make it so the cast and everyone kept a 12 foot distance?

What is this Nonsense?

I am a cranky old lady now, evidenced by my outrage when I heard the Oscar's red carpet is not going to be red this year.

I am unreasonably pissed off about this. THAT CARPET HAS BEEN RED SINCE BEFORE I WAS BORN WHY DO THEY HAVE TO CHANGE THINGS.

Plus, they aren't saying why. Does the red carpet make a good drone target? 

This is the second collapse of an icon in the last few weeks. (Trigger warning, Saint Louisans, this is unexpectedly upsetting.)

Again, they aren't saying why. I would blame the Dalmatian. Probably jealous of the attention. 

Weekly Paint Progress: 3/9

How To Paint Clouds In Oils could be subtitled: Harness Your Inner Impressionist. I would have liked some more realistic examples. Most of the examples are very loose. 

Speaking of loose, note the cameo by Spunky Labia International Toe Porn Superstar. 
Her beauty never fades.

 

Adulterated Joy

Joy

That is a trickle of water going into the sump pump during a recent rain. It is going into the pump and not carving a canyon into the basement floor as it has for the past fifteen years.

But my joy is not unadulterated.

Adulterated Joy

A new puddle appeared on the opposite end of the basement where a puddle has never been before. 

Weekly Paint Progress: 3/2

Well, this is strange.

Even though I said I was done with the sea, I decided to take one more crack at it and add a wash of brown. I was still aiming for this, the original:

... and after the wash of brown, it looks like this:

A little closer. The grass is a lot closer. The level of darkness of the original on the left is actually because the book wasn't flat.

In a week or so I get this.

That isn't the only new painting book I ordered. I also got Create Perfect Paintings, which seems to encourage looseness and playing and creativity. The first few pages have not been loose. You might see creativity next week, or you might see clouds. 

This is a Real Thing You Can Buy

I need to look up recipes using this.

February Rogue Bear News

The Saint Louis Zoo houses a particular type of bear I always understood to be a spectacled bear.

According to Wikipedia it is a bear known variously as a spectacled, South American, Andean, short-faced, mountain, jukumari, ukumari, or ukuku bear.

Saint Louisans, correct me if I am wrong, but was it the spectacled bear who paced relentlessly across his bear pit back in the bear pit days?

AND IF SO, MIGHT HE ALSO BE BEN THE BEAR, the same bear who has escaped his fancy new bear enclosure twice now?

Ben goes by "Andean" bear nowadays, and it would seem all the plans for escape he made in those years of pacing and plotting in the pit have come to fruition in the month of  February, when he got out of his new enclosure twice. 

The first time I believe the zoo was closed, but yesterday he got out again and wandered past  some people with iPhones. As per his plan, all nearby human animals were then locked into what the local news station cleverly called "enclosures" -- things like The Living World, perhaps a cafeteria, maybe the Reptile house. Then they took him down with a dart gun and put him back.

If you are from St. Louis, let me know if you remember if the pacing bear was the Andean / spectacled bear, and if you are not from St. Louis, read the AP article about Ben's escape. 

 

Weekly Paint Progress: 2/23

This week the sea went from this:

... to this.

I know it doesn't like I did anything. But I worked on the cloud, and I darkened the area where Big Rock A meets Big Rock B, and I carried the green over into the wave.  And I added three rocks, though only two were called for.

The exercise in the book that I was aiming for was this:

That one is more cohesive. Mine looks like a collection of focal points all fighting for attention. Plus the grass should be more brown. Pretty far off the mark, but this was the hardest exercise in the book, I think.

I wish I knew how to get that pink and yellow pulled out of the white in the cloud. 

Next week I research how to paint clouds.

Costume Dramas of My Youth: Jennie

So, after watching Lillie I redoubled my efforts to find Jennie:Lady Randolph Churchill, the 1970's miniseries I watched with my Mom when I was 11 or 12. 

Cruelly, it isn't shown in the U.S. for whatever reason. Is it like that one libelous book on the JFK assassination? Has it been suppressed since the 70s? Are there subliminal messages urging us to embrace the monarchy? I want to know.

I don't know, because I remember exactly one scene.

Jennie (Lady Randolph Churchill) says, "I believe I shall name our child Winston."

Me to Mom: "Winston? Churchill? Like Winston Churchill?”

Mom: “Yes, Ellen, this is about Winston Churchill's mother. Why do you think we've been watching this?"

I don't know, Mom, tea, cakes, bustles, jewelry, updo hairstyles with artificial volume, bonding, all those things.

I do remember I loved it: watching it with mom, no men in the room whatsoever.

So, I bought a DVD in a non-US format, but we've got an international DVD player. I hope it lives up to my expectations, if it isn't stopped in customs.

Costume Dramas of My Youth: Lillie

In my continuing quest to find a venue to watch my seminal costume drama, Jennie, I made a detour and found Lillie, about Lillie Langtry.

I must have seen this in my early teens and forgotten it, because it was full of references I have carried with me for life.

• They take license and have Whistler make a first run at the Peacock room in Lillie Langtry's house. We saw the Peacock room when we visited D.C. in the '80s, I think. Read the link above if you aren't familiar with it. It's like the most dramatic episode of Trading Spaces ever, or the most dramatic example of someone going off brand.
• There were at least three references to my favorite insult,  "impudent puppy." Once, just "puppy," the other the more standard "impudent young puppy."
• Oddly, the Prince of Wales is trim for most of it. I think of him every time I can't button my bottom button.
• In one episode a boorish reporter for the now-defunct Saint Louis Globe-Democrat provoked a duel because, evidently, "We don't like immorality in Saint Louis." Never like the Globe-Democrat.

Additionally, if I ever doubted that Amazon is listening to my every move, that doubt is gone now. The commercials on the streaming service FreeVee were terrifyingly targeted. 

• Butterfingers candy bars. Check.
• Pharmaceuticals. Check.
• Gatorade Fit fitness drink. Miss.
• Documentary about a Museum Bug Heist. Check, and, Alexa, do you see me? Are you behind me? 
• Advertisement for a specific episode of some Canadian show I cannot watch in the US called Corner Gas -- specifically an episode guest starring Steven Page-formerly-of-Barenaked-Ladies. I am not kidding. Evidently Amazon is reading the blog. Check and shudder.

The Assessment Office

I made a mistake two years ago when I donated the red Mini. Somehow that screwed up my personal property tax. (In Missouri we pay a yearly tax on any pricey non-home items we own.)

With some guidance from the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV), I did better when we donated the Fit. I had to go to the County Assessor's office to let them know, and then settle up on the property tax. 

I assumed the County Assessor's office would be like the DMV: angry staff, angry customers, long lines, fifty year old paint. 

The Assessor's office is the DMV if it died and went to heaven and assumed its incorruptible body.

You give a Kiosk your phone number, first name, and last initial. 

The kiosk starts up a personal relationship with you.

There's audio for the phone-less: the voice 9f God summons you to Window 3 when it is time, and if you are confused about where Window 3 is, it's the one with your name over it. 

And thankfully, there were only six customers there. If it had been crowded I could have gone outside. I could have used the bathroom at any time. Just a fantastic setup.  I feel sorry for Gary having to pay the sales tax back at the DMV.

Daffodil Day

Every year I wait for the daffodils to bloom. I remember one year they bloomed on February 27th, and I thought that was marvelous.

Since then they've been up later and later.

I don't know if I count this as being in bloom. Just raise your head. Look at the sun. 

Even looking so disconsolate, never before was a daffodil this erect on February 17th. 

Weekly Paint Progress: 2/16

This week the sea went from this:

... to this.

This is where it was last week before I painted mist over everything. Just as a reference.

All I really did was darken the green. (It needs some yellow again, but I might do that with the splatter detail.)

That swipe at darkening the green again took forever, because I was second-guessing myself every minute. I think I will add yellow interest back to the grass, pull some green over into the wave so the green snakes through the whole thing, and try to get just a touch of yellow into the cloud.

Then there are a dozen tiny details they would have me do that you can't see without a magnifying glass, and that will be it.

 

 

A Review: Poker Face [no specific spoilers, technically]

So, I subscribed to the Peacock streaming service just so I could see this show. It's supposed to be like Columbo: you know who committed the crime up front. And you watch Natasha Lyonne catch them? Yes, please. 

Here's the thing. They fell into the Star Trek transporter trap. This woman, unlike Columbo, is supposed to have an uncanny ability to tell when someone is lying (and you can tell, she mutters or blurts or laughs: "Bullshit.") At some point in every show I wonder, "So now is when you line up all the suspects and say, 'Did you kill [Enter Name Here]?'" Roll credits, right?

So, they have to go to a lot of trouble to explain why that won't work, just like what's wrong with the transporter this week on Star Trek. Usually she knows but can't prove it, and unlike Columbo, she can't trick a smug criminal into confessing every week.

There is one thing I do like that Columbo did not have, and that's a villain. That person's a good villain and feeds into the conceit of the show and explains why she has to keep moving around. Like if Columbo and Quantum Leap got married. 

In addition to that villain, there is of course the weekly villain, and that's my only other complaint. I don't care how feisty Ms Lyonne is, that tiny little woman cannot possibly throw a punch that makes that patented punch sound effect. I call Bullshit on that. 

Other than that, I'm enjoying it so far.

Valentines's Day In Nursing Homes

The nice thing about having Time and stability and perseverance be your love language is that it just gets better every year. If I expected gifts on Valentine's day, thee would come a day when the big gift would be prescription medicine. There's an 80% chance Touch will fail you if that means sex. Can't Talk that well if your hearing goes. Can't do Acts of service if you can't take care of yourself. 

But if all you need to feel loved is to have that person in a 20 foot radius then you're good.

It does make me wonder about nursing homes, though. Do spouses share a room in a home?

I've only known about one couple and they absolutely did not.

Weekly Paint Progress: 2/9

This week the sea went from this:

… to this.

More accurate, but I like it a little less.I'll have to check the contrast and see if I overcorrected. 

Things in the Sky

I missed two things in the sky recently.

1. I missed the green comet. This guy did not. He's the only person who saw it as far as I can tell. This is the second comet I missed, because it was cloudy during my one chance to see Halley's comet. I have seen just one, Halle-Bop, which was just a blurry wad until I got the binoculars. Then it was a slightly less blurry wad.
2. I missed the Chinese spy balloon, but many in Saint Louis did not, including a) a local weatherman and b) my old hairdresser. Facebook was full of white circles on blue skies.

I was fortunate enough to see this, though.

 

Mustang

Back when Gary was looking at electric Mustangs, he found out that the UK, Québec, and New York were all considering using them for their police forces, because they have that really incredible speed and pickup.

Several articles showed this image of the prototype. You can see the Mustang logo in the top center of the front bumper.

"Okay, Gary, that's a joke. Are you sure that isn't from The Onion?" Because the front bumpers also have smiles painted on, and the headlamps are augmented to look like eyeballs, and 'POLICE' is in a font one step away from Comic Sans, and it's painted in the three primary colors.'

On further research I found that other countries will paint their police vehicles in a checkerboard pattern, but seriously? Perhaps they think criminals won't shoot anything with a face.

Visitor

I was in a work meeting when I took a bathroom break and spotted this symmetrical guy on the hallway wall.

My first instinct was to kill it, but it was too substantial and I didn't want to have to paint the wall.

My next instinct was to photograph it, and then to admire it, and then to head to the bathroom immediately because I had dawdled too long, and when I came out he was gone.

I guessed centipede, but the Google came up with something very different. Eventually a friend suggested "thousand-legger," which is the hyperbolic name for a house centipede. 

Then I learned:

• "House centipede" is the name yard centipedes go by in the winter.
• When attacked, this centipede can "drop" some of its legs. I was tempted to find him again and provoke this, but I also read that they bite.
• They eat other bugs. So, I was glad I didn't kill it. 

Gary's first instinct was to alert the exterminators, but he will have forgotten that by tomorrow. My guess is Mr. Centipede is going to set up shop in the bathroom, eat silverfish, gnats, and flies, and that will be fine.

Weekly Paint Progress: 2/2

This week the sea went from this:

... to this:

I KNOW! That’s way better.

A Brief Ill-Tempered Review: Weird

Somehow, the Weird Al Yankovich biography Weird encapsulated everything else I saw last week. Funny like The Menu, musical like Cyrano would have liked to be, and even self-referential like Tell Me Who I Am and The Voyeur. 

And funny. I laughed out loud at least eight times. Or, perhaps that was just because I was feeling better.

Highly recommend, if you like Weird Al and/or parody. 

Thursday Paint Progress: 1/26

This week the sea went from this:

... to this.

I took too much green out of the second mountain, but I can put that back.

A Brief Ill-Tempered Review: Voyeur

Voyeur is another documentary, this one about writer Gay Talese and his efforts to write a factual book. I can never remember who Gay Talese is because he is filed under writers my Dad liked, subcategory odd names: Gay, Gore, Studs.

It's one of those documentaries where you wonder, "At what point did they decide to start filming this?" Or does Gay Talese just film every moment of his life in anticipation that things will go tits up and he'll have to explain his decisions?

The best person in the whole documentary is the voyeur's wife, Anita. She got a lot of sympathy from me, because it is her job to calm down the voyeur and to speak truth. 

Interesting. An interesting pairing with Tell Me Who I Am and the themes of trust and secrets.

A Brief Ill-Tempered Review: The Menu

This was a first class satire. The Menu was vicious and delightful. I ended up laughing, screaming, horrified,  delighted, hungry. And it builds like crazy. Just keeps getting better and better.

Highly recommend. 

A Brief Ill-Tempered Review: Tell Me Who I Am

I am torn about Tell Me Who I Am: I am happy to have watched it and guilty and ashamed to have watched it. Incidentally, this is the perfect reaction to this movie.

It's a documentary, and while I don't want any spoilers, really, there are no spoilers. That's another cryptic statement that only makes sense after you've seen it.

Every answer is right, every reaction is right, every side is right, and equally wrong. Your reaction to the documentary is perfectly in line with the documentary.Would recommend, but not for people who dislike ambiguity.

A Brief Ill-Tempered Review: Cyrano

This movie began with a good idea: cast Peter Dinklage as Cyrano de Bergerac. And then somewhere it went off the rails. (Wheels fell off, kangaroo in the paddock). They had to edit it to suit a small person without a big nose, then they edited it beyond all comprehension, then (prepare yourself) they made it a musical.

A musical. Thankfully, not Cyrano! with an exclamation point.

Seriously. They didn't tell you it was a musical in the advertisements, did they? No. There's a reason for that. It's another example of having non-singers sing in musicals.

It got a little better at the end. But still, "my white plume" is replaced with "my pride," and there isn't enough about his pride during the movie to merit making it the last line.

All in all, it seems like a good idea destroyed by committee. Do not recommend. 

Thursday Paint Progress: 1/19

This week the sea went from this:

... to ... the exact same thing,  because ... well, even through I've spent the week fixing up basements and dishwashers, I haven't been well.

After last week's dental appointment, my jaw did not recover from all the stretching as I would have liked. It left a visible lump that got progressively bigger and hotter and harder. After a week of ice packs and setting my alarm every four hours to wake up for more Advil,  I called to make an appointment with the dentist just to check and see if this was expected. 

Turns out my jaw is inflamed, but not infected. I was walking out with a referral to see a chiropractor who works with jaws, when my back -- that I had tweaked that morning -- went almost entirely sprained. I could still hobble, but that's all. So, forget about the jaw, and the way my legs had been falling asleep every time I get out of a chair, because all there is now is the sprained back. 

So, no painting this week. I wonder if I could go see the jaw/back chiropractor, just for the new experience of seeing a chiropractor. I also wonder if I could stop taking the Advil and just start drinking.

Easter Egg

Recently I read a Facebook post on secret messages that some fun-loving companies have put on packaging. 

This led me to my pantry, where I pored over all my items.

I only found one.

It was on the bottom.

Above the expiration date Bear Naked granola printed, "Don't hibernate. Get your paws on it before this date."

I am a sucker for this type of thing, but it is impossible for me to love this granola more than I already do. 

Thursday Paint Progress: 1/12

This week the sea went from this:

... to this.

So now I feel better about the clouds and the mountains. Perhaps they look good in comparison to my amateur second pass.

Exchange At the Dentist

Me: NAAAAW REEE. (Followed by burbling water out of throat like a human water fountain that splashes on the dental dam that almost completely covers my mouth.) NAAAAW REEE.

Dentist and assistant stop, and sit me up, loosen everything, and express concern.

Me: Can't breathe. (Gurgles.)

Assistant: You can't breathe through your nose?

Well no, I thought, no, not at the moment, or rather, I can't breathe rapidly enough to gasp desperately for life given the panic attack I'm having ever since the dentist said that now that we've been doing this cavity/crown procedure for two hours now it was especially important for me to alert him if I was feeling any pain. So I went from being mindful ("not currently in pain") to anxious ("Is the lidocaine wearing off now? Now? How about now?").

And now it has been 12 hours and everything has worn off and for some reason even though the procedure was on my left molar on the buccal side (today I learned; not buckle), when I chew on my right side I hear an alarming amount of noise in my left ear. 

Don't know if Joan Crawford had this issue.

Insanity

Has anyone quoted Einstein to you, claiming he said "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and expecting different results?"

I doubt that Snopes is down with this, and other sources refute it. (Quote Investigator gives credit to Narcotics Anonymous). I am usually so busy taking credit away from Einstein that I've never thought to evaluate the sentiment itself. 

Of the insane people I have known, nome of them do the same thing twice, much less expect results. Expected results would suggest the insane person understoods cause and effect. Instead, they just do things, random things, and don't think for a second, then things happen they claim are unrelated to them and are not their fault. 

I say doing the same thing twice and expecting different results is the definition of stupidity. Or I could see this as a good definition of stubbornness. But if you attribute this to Einstein in front of me you can be assured I will reliably give you the same result: "He didn't say that."

Another Variant Are You Kidding Me

I like how they give the Covid variants letters -- BA, BQ --  because it makes me believe that sure, we're at BQ now, but someday we'll hit ZZ and it will be over.

It looks like there's a new one and we have jumped to XB! Wooo! Big leap forward. Read about it here.

It's sneaky: you feel achy but it's dropped all the old symptoms. 

Thursday Paint Progress: 1/5

This week the sea went from this:

... to this:

Mountains: better, Clouds: worse.

The Year in Review: 2022

Well, that was a year. Everyday monotony punctuated by once-in-a-lifetime events.

Once in a Lifetime:

• Most recently, Dave died. (No links: just swipe back and check late October.)
• I sold Mom's house.
• I suppose this only happens once in a lifetime: Gary got his pension.
• I changed my look and tried on a lot of wigs.

Everyday Monotony:

This year in creative pursuits, I wrote a second and third draft of the book, then over the holiday I read eight pages of it out loud and realized it needs a lot of work. And that's sad, because I sacrificed the the guitar almost all year in favor of the book. I did make a wee woven basket. And, I learned some Russian but I don't know if I'll continue. Maybe Ukrainian? Or something easier? I think that part of my brain needs exercise.

There were some home improvement projects. I am still on tenterhooks regarding the basement drainage project. There haven't been any problems since August, but who knows what the spring rains will bring? In the meantime I put on a new roof and signed up to fix the medical bathroom ceiling and replace the basement handrail and the back door.

My health continued to stay at its usual level of nonsense, which is good, save for a tiny heart scare.  I got over that in time to get Evusheld, which protected me from Covid for a few short days.

What seemed to take up most of my attention this year was being angry at corporations. I was crazed by my inability to get a landline, until the landline user died, and then I was enraged at CVS for their inability to fill a prescription and to get my updated vaccine. They are making Walgreens look good, even after Walgreens screwed me during the Superbowl. 

Was it a good year? Not my favorite. This year is going to be better. 

Happy New Year’s Eve

If you are out enjoying, enjoy. If you are making noise, make noise. If you are comforting pets freaked out by the noise, I wish you well, because nothing works for that.

See you on the other side, in -- good God -- 2023.

Tea

I was watching a Hallmark movie. There was a cute female character, sweater pulled over her knuckles, sipping a cup of tea with the string dangling out.  It made me wonder: in real life does anyone drink tea with the bag in?

I certainly don't. I set the timer for four minutes and when it dings that bag is out.  Otherwise you have bitter stewed tea, right? Why keep the bag in? To remind yourself you're drinking tea?

Someone out there must do this, or know someone who does. What's the appeal of having a sloppy teabag thwack you in the face when you get down to the last drop?

Tell me. I promise I won't judge. Much.

Thursday Paint Progress: 12/29

This week the sea went from this:

... to this:

Ugh. Mud. There are some highlights in the next step that I hope will rescue things.

 

Merry Christmas!

I am really pleased with the ornament tree this year, enough to tweak it with Photoshop. I filled in the sparse spots with meaningless round red ornaments. Gary called it a "tree of memories" and spent some time murmuring things like, "Yes, there's the llama that spit on me."

I leave it here to wish you a Merry Christmas! I hope everything is merry where you are.