Gary and I have been squabbling like mad. Some decisions need to be made in the house, and his decision-making process is this:
Stage 1: Ellen, what do you think of X? (I fall into the trap.)
Stage 2: No, Ellen, you are wrong and stupid, and here is why.
Stage 3: Repeat Stage 2 until all possibilities are exhausted.
Stage 4: Buy the thing / Do the thing based on some whim he has because it doesn't matter, every option is crap.
How do I break this cycle? I wonder if he's expecting me to come up with a pro to counter every con. Like a little Pollyanna punching bag. Nope. Not doing that.
I suppose I have the option to not fall into the trap. "I don't know Gary, what do you think of X?" He would hate that. No decision would be made, ever.
I am sure he hates my decision-making process, which is to make the decision without involving him at all. I do know when I ask his opinion, he is great at giving me a list of all the cons, and how it would be best if we do nothing. It's his anxiety. I should be more sympathetic.
I can't say it's dysfunctional, because it functions, decisions are made, but I have this fantasy that there is a world in which couples make decisions rationally. They write a list of pros and cons and don't turn a debate into an argument.
I suppose I could try being Pollyanna Punching Bag now that I think of it. It would be awful but I might wear him down. Eventually he would be magnanimous and permit me to do whatever I want. Would it be worth it, though? The emotional toll?