Forty Years

Yesterday, on the eve of our fortieth wedding anniversary, we had what would have been a fight in previous years.

The conflict came up because Gary's colonoscopy is coming up, and he's nervous. I expected him to back out, so when he came to me bellowing about how he couldn't do this because of the side effects of the prep drug, I said, "Well, if you are this concerned, contact the doctor." I didn't cry because I was sort of expecting it. It's going to happen again in a few days when he starts consuming the prep. 

At some point, as he was having a back-and-forth with the doctor's office, I got annoyed. I thought these thoughts:

• Other people have their big fights about children, but the children go away eventually. Then, I assume, they are happy. 
• Some people have fights about money, but after a while money issues straighten themselves out, most probably when the kids leave.
• Richer / poorer stabilizes, but man, sickness / health just keeps getting worse. 

That’s why I was glad to see that I stayed relatively calm during the pre-colonoscopy episode, except for one moment when I glared at him, and thought, “I could have fallen in and out of love with ten different men in these last forty years.”

But instead, I waited things out, and he settled down.

And now it is the Big Day, the fortieth wedding anniversary, which I am celebrating by going to the opera without him. (We did start off with a bout of the Elderly Sex Equivalent, which does keep getting better and better.) But no dinner, cards, gifts, 0r other hoopla.

It makes me think of all those people with adult children. The children insist on anniversary parties, and often the parents beg, “No, please, don’t make a fuss,” yet there is always an anniversary party. 

Maybe for our fiftieth? I don’t know. I don’t really want it. 

Comments

[Big Dot]

I (we) are up to 44, I think - not really interested in working it out exactly. Our adult kids have never marked the event, don’t even know the date. We recently had a grandson arrive on that day and even we ourselves have never mentioned it. “Happy anniversary” is now, for us, a contradiction in terms. Sigh.

[Kathy G]

Congratulations on a milestone anniversary.

[theQueen]

Big Dot - But I confess I never knew the anniversary of either of Mom's weddings. It is a shame that it's so hard for a marriage to have both quality and quantity. If you're old enough to hit the big numbers you're old enough to be a cranky old man.
Kathy G - Well, a milestone, but it pales before 50 though.