Medical advice from my husband

In an effort to waste yet another Saturday, I was scanning through old texts and found a message from Gary from last October. 

Evidently he wanted to express some reservations he had that I was entertaining myself on the side, with an emphasis on the root word "enter", as it were. He was fine that I purchased a newer and smaller husband replacement, but he had Opinions on the preventative antibiotic I was taking to discourage the inevitable bladder infection (very typical for women with MS). 

At first he said "NO ANTIBIOTICS EVER ANTIBIOTICS BAD BAD," but then he backed up and wrote that moderate antibiotics were fine, but he wanted to caution me by texting:

"If enough germs from the anus cross over into your naughty bits then you can still get a UTI even while on the daily low-dose antibiotic. Doctors recommend that you use lubrication on your fun-wand to reduce the way that it pulls your two love-holes closer to each other."

After I cleaned myself up after the laughing fit, I thought,  "That is so sweet. He thinks I'm not using lube. Perhaps he thinks the 'fun-wand' dislikes it. Also, ' fun-wand'? Also, 'love-holes' ? Plural? And did I read that right, he thinks this is daily?"

I found him and read it back and he denied ever having typed those words. "That sounds nothing like me." 

Yeah, poking his nose in to my body autonomy? It sounds exactly like him.

Comments

[KC]

Ohhh good heavens the idea of not using lube on anything going there... And also plural ALSO NO.

(isn't the preventative antibiotic daily? I didn't end up on it, but I thought it was a once-daily thing?)

Maybe he used chatGPT after his first NOOO antibiotics realizing it sounded too confrontational. "ChatGPT, tell my wife this AUGH, but nicely." ... with ChatGPT having a very, uh, euphemistic interpretation of "nice"...

[theQueen]

KC - Regarding the frequency, I was told to take it after sexual activity. I mean, I suppose other people bone daily, bless them, but that is not the pace around here. And I am a little sad his article reinforced the notion that I have bacteria running hole to hole like they're in a waterpark.

[KC]

... if it said to not pull them closer to each other, then maybe it's just "don't abridge that space and have skin immediately outside Bacteria Hole touching skin immediately outside Please Keep All That Particular Bacteria Out Of The Total Vulva Area" or something like that?

Is the antibiotic Macrobid or a similar narrow one? I think that was the one mentioned to me as a prophylactic. (... the "prevent a particular outcome" usage of 'prophylactic' not the "prevent pregnancy" usage of prophylactic, but I am not feeling inventive enough to come up with a different word, sorry)

That said, waterpark, woooo!

[TheQueen]

KC - yes, it is. All I ever remember is "It starts with neuro" and doctors always guess from there.

[KC]

I am vaguely hoping you meant macro; otherwise I am very confused, which is, admittedly, a reasonably normal state for me to be in.

(comments seem to be turned off on your newest blog post, which is totally fine if you meant to do that - you get to decide whether to deal with comments/bots on any particular post or not - but I thought I would bring it to your attention if you did not mean to. I did not actually have anything to say about it, just a torn feeling between "that is really neat of them to honor their memory like that!" but also "... but it wasn't the actual mission name???").

[TheQueen]

KC - that’s really weird. Turning them on. I had a hard time commenting over the weekend. Everything I said was spam.

[TheQueen]

KC -but I didn’t turn them off on purpose.

[KC]

Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam and eggs...

Probably a wordpress issue of some kind? I don't know.

[theQueen]

KC - well, Typepad, not WordPress, but I see your point. I know it gets triggered by the full name of commenter CHM, but I don’t know why.