As I say, I have really been enjoying the How to Do It sex advice column on Slate plus. Such a variety of people and situations I could never have imagined. Also, as the most technical of technical virgins, it has made me appreciate the variety of definitions of sex. So many questions. "If I lick my ex-girlfriend's armpit hair does that count as cheating on my wife?" (Are you hiding this from your wife? Then, yes.)
And, it has made me wonder, what would happen if I had ever taken their oft-given advice to "open up the relationship." How would that go?
Step one: Gary would be hurt. I never get past this painful step in my imagination. And because it's imaginary I just immediately kill him off, easier, but this advice column has me thinking outside the box.
Imaginary step two: Gary would catastrophize. YOU WILL GET AIDS AND DIE. (I would argue there are effective treatments and we have hit our out-of-pocket max for the year.) YOU WILL GET SYPHILIS AND DIE. (Repeat.)
Imaginary step three: Pull out the negotiating tactic of “It would be open for you too.” This would not fly, even if presented as a group effort. Too distracting. Could not concentrate with someone else there.
Essentially, it would not happen because Gary is who he is: all or nothing. No compromise.
Thank you, I needed this laugh. It is truly funny because it’s true for most of us
Posted by: Lisa | September 17, 2024 at 07:24 PM
Lisa - Well, but who knows? Maybe it’s like mice. For every mice you see there are 10 mice you don’t see. So for every polygamist you see, you see there are 10 polygamists you don’t see. And I know a polygamist.
Posted by: TheQueen | September 17, 2024 at 08:30 PM