Too Much

I have been having the worst arguments of my life with Gary on the topic of his health.

This is the timeline of events.

1954. Gary was born. Born unto a family that fed sick children ice cream because that’s the reward for being sick. 

Mid 1980s. Gary wed me. In my family, sick children were fed saltines and cold beef broth. My family will literally die before complaining. Gary's complaints are worse than his actual suffering. I often forget this.

10 months ago. Some construction introduced drywall dust into our house. Gary was allergic and broke out in a rash.

1 month ago. Things got worse.

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This past month has been filled with new marital experiences.

I did not know that Gary could lie to my face.  He said, "The doctor told me that it's an allergy and I'm in the best shape of my life." Doctor's written report says, "This is not an allergy, this is psoriasis."

I did not know that I can get so upset with him that I hyperventilate. I catastrophized the psoriasis into disabling psoriatic arthritis, because Gary also has arthritis, and had several episodes of crying so hard I couldn't catch my breath. While peeing. As I do, but at least I was in the bathroom.

I did not know Gary will walk in on me in the bathroom if I am crying hard enough. This is more shocking than anything else in this last month. 

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Just last week, though, he ended a fight with, "Let's just call it 'The mysterious skin condition' so we can stop debating what it is." And then, hallelujah, two days later, he came in to my room at 1 am and said 'I have psoriasis!"

"So you'll go to the doctor and get treated?"

"No, it's not that bad." And yet he begins every day with half an hour of complaining.

All the advice on getting a sick husband to a doctor starts with step 1: Be patient. It is going to be a year of this nonsense in a few months, and four years of the sleep apnea which, I find, is co-morbid with psoriasis. 

Seriously, the person I love most is hurting the person I love most. The only solution I can take is to pull back because I love him too much.

Comments

[KC]

...oy vey. Gary! You can do better than this! (even just "trying out the cheapest OTC treatments" would be *something*)

[theQueen]

KC - well, he has done that. Found a cream that people on the internet with drywall allergies like. It helps for a few hours.

[KC]

Ohhh that is frustrating. I'm glad it helps for a few hours but also that is not psoriasis treatment (unless it *also* is that, which seems possible given that some psoriasis treatments seem pretty generic?).

[TheQueen]

KC - nope not treatment at all. There are many levels of treatment for that