Disclaimer: This post was reviewed and approved by Gary himself. Don't feel any second-hand embarrassment on his behalf.
I visit Instagram every five years, evidently, because no one takes photos of their children going to remedial summer school or their family arguing on vacation. But, Gary wanted to show me this Meta AI feature, so I happened to see his Instagram Search page.
Sportscar. Hoodie. Woman in sandals. Cheerleader. Red toe manicure. Electric car. Bare feet on beach. Woman pointing toes in order to put her foot into stockings.
Huh.
"Hey." I said. "Gary. Half of these photos are of women's toes."
"No they aren't."
I began to count. Foreshortened toe shot. Emma Stone. Line-dancing monks. Toes. Scantily clad woman with bare feet? I didn't count that one. But, then, electric green painted toenails. There was a trend.
"Seriously, Gary, it's fine if you like feet. I'm just surprised."
(I heard Spunky Labia, International Toe Porn Superstar, whisper smugly, "I've always known." I ignored her.)
He tried to convince me the algorithm leaned toward toes because Mark Zuckerberg, owner of Meta, was German, and Germans love toes, until finally he landed on, "You know I'm a leg man. Feet are part of legs, and toes are part of feet."
I thought, "I don't see any knee closeups."
Then he spent five minutes claiming the Irish (and Germans) are well-known leg and foot lovers because of their agrarian heritage, somehow. I wasn't listening. I realized that while he is a leg man tragically married to me, if he wants to see toes, I can compete with the best of them.
Then I remembered I'm competing with the male brain sex image jumble anyway. My toes might have gotten me in his bed, but I share it with every woman in his head. And why even compete? Just let them do the heavy lifting.
Epilogue in the interest of fairness. I have never done an Instagram search, ever, and this is my search page below: Puppies and children and girls at prom grinding on each other.
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