Last week my department called all employees into the office for a week-long event. Even the out-of-town employees had to fly to Saint Louis. My medical exemption meant I didn’t have to come in at all, but I could if I felt comfortable.
I felt comfortable for one six-hour day in an auditorium, one half day in an auditorium, and one two-hour dinner in a six-story atrium.
Day one: I was going upstairs in the parking garage and the automated elevator voice said, “First. Floor.”
I sobbed, “I MISSED YOU SO MUCH, ELEVATOR LADY.”
The whole day was like that. It was exhausting. I’d turn a corner and see faces from four years ago and every face was more beautiful than I remembered. And of course, I had to say that every time. Everyone’s lifetime compliment allotment has now been maxed out. No more compliments for co-workers, ever.
I got no sleep that night. I stayed up replaying every cringeworthy conversation, every “I missed you so much, when did you get so beautiful?” Every word went into long-term memory. I comforted myself by thinking, “Everyone loves a fool.”
Day Two: The next day was the dinner, and I evidently had four years of inappropriate male banter in my head that had to be released as well. I got so drunk on male attention that twice I had to leave my table (populated entirely of five guys) and seek out some women.
I got two hours of sleep that night, again memorizing every addled word and again telling myself, “Everyone loves a fool.”
The Last Day: I swore to myself that I would keep my mouth shut. No social interactions. It went well until I sat down next to a teammate. I had only met her once before, and within moments I was saying -- and pantomiming -- inappropriate remarks.
Again, three hours of sleep, again reassuring myself that fools are loved, not just suffered gladly.
We don’t this again for another six months, thank god.
Oh, no, not *too many authentically-meant compliments* how will they ever forgive you. Ahem.
(sorry about the embarrassment, though.)
Posted by: KC | March 03, 2024 at 11:31 AM
KC - I give compliments like, 'I CANNOT LOOK AT YOU YOUR FACE GLOWS WITH BEAUTY LIKE THE SUN.'
Posted by: theQueen | March 03, 2024 at 12:52 PM
I maintain that unless they think you are being snarky/sarcastic, that's likely to be yes, awkward, but endearing.
Posted by: KC | March 04, 2024 at 11:12 AM
KC - I do have a reputation for being snarky, but just in writing. Face to face is sincere.
Posted by: theQueen | March 04, 2024 at 06:21 PM