I don’t remember what Google search and Reddit path took me there, but I spent an hour reading a Reddit thread on whether or not men talk about sex when they talk with each other. And, huh, they do NOT. And on the rare occasions one of the pack does, the others say “ew, gross,” and swat at him.
You would think I could confirm this with my husband, but I know he doesn’t talk about our sex life with his friends because like many men I know he has no friends.
Some people surmised that men tend to tease each other about perceived weaknesses, so they don’t like to expose vulnerabilities. Or, perhaps if a man spoke about great marital sex then he might worry that his friends would try to pursue his wife.
Ultimately, though, they feel it is too personal, especially when it is about a significant relationship. I can’t relate to this at all. Too personal? Well, I suppose even though I would spill all my business I would hesitate to divulge personal information about my partner.
I know. They think about it but they don’t talk about it. As a recently recovering 20-year-old guy, this surprises me. And it doesn't seem healthy.
... definite exception being dudes bragging, in high school and college at least. (for lo, I have heard them)
Maybe not the decent ones, though? And less informative than conquest-y. Or maybe they don't do that now, two decades later? (... oh, actually, there was that whole "look at these photos of girls I've had sex with!" thing; and the Trump grab them remarks... nah, at least some scumbuckets still do.)
Posted by: KC | November 17, 2023 at 11:52 AM
KC - Dude bragging might well be dude lying. And supposedly, conquesting is limited to “Get any?” “Yeah” “Nice.”
Posted by: theQueen | November 18, 2023 at 06:22 AM
Some of what I heard at either first or second hand was otherwise verified, and was not necessarily... limited... to the conquest assertion you described.
But yes, some other things were either 1. a flat lie or 2. an only-barely technical truth [if you both fell asleep on a long bus ride, yes, you have "slept together" in one sense, and absolutely 100% not in the intended sense] or most commonly 3. exaggeration to some level.
Maybe there are subculture variations and I just knew a lot of talkative guys in college? Or maybe norms about that type of in-person conversations have changed since social media plus ubiquitous cell phones/recording ability? [and/or the release of the "grab them by the pussy" hot mic tape] Not sure. I was "invisible" in the room sometimes; other times men were specifically enjoying "educating" me; other times I heard things while walking past; other times I heard from others.
... or maybe guys who spend most of their social time on a subreddit do not talk much about these things in person?
(I've been in on a fair bit of female sex talk as well; it has been nearly all information-seeking/sharing and near-zero on the conquest/descriptive side, aside from whatever description of the issue is necessary for the advice [and aside from the two female high school/college acquaintances who were mostly out to shock people]. Small group female sex talk has been... very different from bro sex talk... and super-useful. I'll admit that the bro sex talk had more entertaining [sports-watching-like?] audience response, sometimes, though.)
Posted by: KC | November 18, 2023 at 06:33 PM
KC - I think you nailed it with “... or maybe guys who spend most of their social time on a subreddit do not talk much about these things in person?”
Posted by: theQueen | November 18, 2023 at 08:51 PM