I have recently been reminded what a big old whore of a flirt I am.
And then, thankfully, something happened that made me change my mind.
I was starting a Zoom call, and our last attendee (call her "Jane") signed in on camera.
"Wow, Jane, you're gorgeous," I said. "Okay, so we're here today to discuss ..."
After a moment looking at her quiet smile I realized she had darkened her hair.
But it made me realize, when I drop compliments on unsuspecting men, I'm not flirting, I'm blurting. Just blurting out any stupid thing I have in my head. Usually I do it one-on-one, and when it's with a man, and no one else is around, it does seem like flirting.
But it's not. It's just me having no impulse control plus a flattering thought in my head.
(Still let's see what HR makes of flirting vs blurting when I have my inevitable harassment accusation.)
I suspect impulse control is part of What HR Wants People To Have in general, but as far as areas of low impulse control go, this is probably not a bad one, esp. if you also try a little harder to rein it in whenever you're speaking with people who are lower in the command chain than you are?
... also there are probably some things you should definitely not blurt, like "wow, your crotch is bulging today!" and "ooh, good breasts!" but also I think you do have *some* filter in place.
Admittedly, filters get more fragile as we age or get more tired/stressed, so there is that. But. Maybe. And if someone does get uncomfortable enough to call HR, and HR gets cranky, you can call Jane (and others) in to witness that compliments are general, not directional. (which, personally, at least partially remedies some uncertainty/discomfort; if the produce stall dude is calling *literally every woman* darling, regardless of age or conventional levels of attractiveness or personal hygiene, I do not feel creeped out in the way I would if he was only using "darling" when talking with me [or a fairly-small subset of women including me].)
Posted by: KC | August 12, 2023 at 07:26 PM
KC - well, I only have to evade HR for a few more years. And I think you are right, I do have a filter that blocks comments about the reproductive system.
Posted by: theQueen | August 13, 2023 at 07:58 AM