Urologist Visit

I have been to this urologist before, in 2011, and the tests were rigorous waterboarding tests in which I was pumped full of fluids and asked to Kegel as if my life depended on it.

I did some quick Kegels out in the parking lot, just to warm up, and went in ready for the same routine. It started off with an easy ultrasound to see if I had any leftovers after I gave my sample. Mere teaspoons! A good start.

I was ready to be pumped full of fluid, but, because I came in armed with my existing high-tone pelvic floor diagnosis, and shared my sexual symptoms, we skipped right over any other tests. As I find so often with doctors, the answer is evident.

"Spasms," he said. "Everything is in spasm." Pelvic floor is not just clenched now but spasming, plus spastic bladder, spastic colon, and I can think of no better descriptor for my reproductive system that has been all a-flutter as of late. And then here I am adding in bonus spasms with all the orgasms, which makes everything spasm synchronously, so there's a lot of cleanup on aisle number one. 

So, with so many things making my abdomen rattle like Jiffy-Pop on a hot stove, there are a number of paths forward. 

• One, we could go back and have the biofeedback. Or as I called it, "biofeedback"-while-twisting-my-index-finger-upward to suggest the therapist's internal massage. (He threw in the up-finger gesture too the next time he mentioned it.) 
• Two, we could do bladder botox, which I would totally be up for, to relax the spasming muscle surrounding the bladder. Less leakage, lasts six months. Intriguing.
• Three, we could try pills to relax the same bladder muscle. "What do they cost," I asked, given that I recently spent hundreds on a bladder medication that didn't do a thing. Turns out the pills (Oxybutynin) are a cheaper, newer formula for Vesicare. Luckily I don't drink caffeine anymore, or I'd be more susceptible to the most notable side effect: hallucinations. 

It will only relax my bladder muscle, and I suppose my colon and reproductive system will just continue to jostle and bounce off my high tone pelvic floor like it's a trampoline.

So I see him again in three months. We shall see. I took a dose last night and it got me two extra hours of sleep. A good start.

Comments

[KC]

It is totally possible that stopping one thing from spasming will reduce the spasms of the other things, incidentally. May it work out really well, whatever you do!

[theQueen]

KC - I'll take a dose tonight and see how tomorrow morning compares to today. Today I was as jumpy as I have ever been.