Bad Things: Dust and Mysteries Part 1

Per his wishes, I cremated Dave. Part of Dave will join part of Mom and part of Dad in my back garden. (To be specific, I'd say it's 2 cups of Mom, one cup of Dad. I'll make sure that Dave doesn't overwhelm them.)  

After Mom died I followed most of her directions: I amended her last name on the headstone, then I sprinkled some of her cremains on the plot, dug up some of Dad's ashes from her garden, and mixed hers and his for my garden.  So now part of Dave will join the mix.

Only part will stay with the family, because per his wishes, I divvied him into baggies for his AA friends to put in their gardens "to help things grow."

Let me tell you, while it may be practical to distribute ashes among friends, and relatives, and friends you love more than relatives, Dave's friends do not necessarily relish the responsibility of a baggie o'Dave. Maybe they think it's gross, or maybe they think he's out there expecting them to take him to Europe or something. I was surprised how taken aback they were by the suggestion. Eventually I found one sympathetic ear and gave him a dozen baggies of Dave to distribute how he saw fit. Will it happen? Who knows?

Comments

[KC]

If I knew someone wanted me to just put them in the garden, *and I had a garden* as well (vs. living in an apartment complex or something where I would have to do ninja ash planting on someone else's property), I'd be fine with it.

Babysitting a baggie of ashes for the rest of my life, though, would not be so enthused about that, and I can also see how some people would feel weird gardening in dirt that has part of their friend in it somewhere and/or would feel that putting the ash in the garden would require more ceremony or something than they really know how to do? I don't think this is something we have a cultural script for. (sprinkling ashes over a body of water is already vaguely majestic-feeling, provided the body of water is, like, decent rather than a grubby oil-slick garbage-filled pond; a garden where an ant or something might pop up and haul off a bit of ash while you watch, though, is a bit trickier to feel appropriately formal and somber and deep or whatever exactly it is people feel like you ought to feel when Placing Ashes)

[theQueen]

KC - That's true. People are usually observers at funerals, not officiants.

[KC]

Basically, on average we probably don't like to get landed in situations where we feel like it's Important to get things right, but we don't have the foggiest idea what we're doing. This tracks.