I have been trying to model responsible health behaviors for Gary, and to that end (ahem), I am testing for colon cancer.
This time: no prep, no sedative: I am using the Poop it -> Mail it -> Test it Cologuard test.
I expected these supplies: a microscope slide, a wooden collection stick, and a durable envelope. That's what I was expecting.
What I got was a pressure cooker.
Evidently they expect that one makes a deposit directly into the pressure cooker. There is a maximum size but not a minimum size, so that's going to be difficult to judge. There's some other stuff to do, some alchemy with chemicals, and then it all goes back in the box and is sent off to the lab.
Sadly, it turns out Gary can't do it at all, because he had a pre-cancerous polyp before, but I can. I can't do it yet, because Memorial Day might slow the shipment, but once that's over then the scat is in the mail.
Will it be preferable to a colonoscopy? Has to be, right? Turns out Gary finds all this manipulation so distasteful that it's mentally prepared him for his colonoscopy in 2023, so I've done my job.