Zoom Makeup

I was on a zoom meeting with just one other person, and she was wearing makeup. Not cool. All the other women in our team have stopped wearing makeup or styling their hair entirely. But in the meeting was this one woman in her little screen panel all dolled up, while I was in the panel next to her, and I didn’t look like the same species. My face was doughy and pink, lips colorless, hair insane, no eyelashes. Worst of all, I only appeared to have the part of the eyebrow that slants up from the nose. My descending eyebrows were too washed out to be seen.

I spent half an hour staring at all the differences in our faces, until I excused myself to “visit the restroom,” where I did nothing but quickly draw on the descending half of my eyebrows. 

When I came back she said, “You go to the bathroom really fast.”

So I had to tell her that I was threatened by her eyebrows and I couldn’t take it anymore.

She said, “Mine are microbladed. It’s a semi-permanent tattoo. It lasts about a year. I got it done and then the pandemic struck.”

My mourning the two pair of work pants I bought the night before our office shut down is nothing compared to spending $500 on microbladed eyebrows. What about the people who bought perfume no one can smell, or shoes no one can see? Worse, what about people who spent money liposuctioning their thighs and now they’re never seen standing up? It’s just a little extra bit of sadness courtesy of the virus.

Comments

[KC]

See, I go for the concept that in Zoom meetings I'm useful for making other people look good and feel better about themselves. :-) Someday I'll figure out good lighting for my skin tone+camera - until then, I'll just continue looking like I've been dead for a couple of days.,,

*But* I have pretty good eyebrows, so there's that. If I didn't, maybe I'd figure something out faster...

[TheQueen]

KC - I understand that some people purchase “halo lights” that are designed to make people look pretty in Zoom meetings. I am convinced the three other women in my team have these lights.

[KC]

*googles halo lights*

So, now the question is whether, for the sake of looking better in Zoom meetings, you want to purchase a ring light for $10-20 which, if we shortly get a vaccine, will then be as useless as early-March liposuction? :-)

(I don't actually think we'll get a vaccine this month. So you can maybe amortize the cost a little farther, anyway...)

[TheQueen]

KC - I am putting myself in straight on daylight, so I might move to another room. I will try that tomorrow.

[KC]

Indirect sunlight is usually the most flattering? You can "bounce" light from a window with a sheet of foam core board (or, probably, with blank canvases - you might be more likely to have those around than random white foam core board?) if you need some extra, or can filter light with sheer curtains. Direction also matters, though I doubt you'd be getting much up-the-nose light from daylight sources. :-)

Anyway: good luck! :-)

[TheQueen]

KC - I end up being severely back-lit if I don’t face the window, so it looks like it’s all full light for me. It was cloudy today, so I was less pink. Also, this new drug causes a red face. For the last month Gary has said “your face is red” to me every day. I finally got him to stop.

[KC]

Sheer curtains or taped-up sheets of tissue paper or parchment, maybe?

Or just calling it good with the red face and saying that it is Okay to not look great on a webcam, for behold, this is not broadcast TV and you have enough personality to carry it, anyway.

(sorry the new drug causes a red face, though. Is the nausea gone at least? And congratulations on training Gary out of telling you about the red face.)

[TheQueen]

KC - I think I will try to be backlit today and see if It is better for my self esteem. Thank you for the suggestions, though.

[KC]

My hair does really, really weird things when it's backlit, but everyone's different.

Another probably-useless idea: do you have any twinkle lights you can hang up in the room for "warm" not-pink lighting addition?

(but really: we don't need to look Exceptionally Pretty in Zoom meetings. You could wear the raccoon mask and it would be okay. :-) )

[TheQueen]

KC - I get the halo if front-lit or back-lit. And yes, I look cute as hell and ageless in the raccoon mask.

[KC]

Hair: it's creative sometimes.

So, there's the answer! Just mask up for meetings as a reminder to everyone to wear their masks out and about! ;-)

[TheQueen]

KC - I have popped into the raccoon mask for two meetings in a row. Gary has a new tiger mask. I think he’s a hoarder: when under stress he collects.