How is this month different from all other months? It is Gary’s Birthday Month. He woke me up at midnight March 1 to remind me. This means we must follow Birthday Month Rules: he does no chores and wins all fights.
That’s why I was so surprised to hear him vacuuming his La-z-boy and mattress this week. He’s still suffering from the dust that got in his body and spurred this Type B flu episode that of course he now suspects might be the 1% of Corona virus cases that don’t present with a fever.
One might think that because he did a chore he might be picking fewer fights, but he’s been particularly feisty this month.
As you know, the Pence Coronavirus updates have been required TV viewing in our house, and he spends so much time yelling over the VP that I can’t follow what is going on. I complained, and now he pauses the TV while he yells, so now the half hour update takes an hour.
Then I asked him to stop pausing and turn on the closed captioning so then at least I can read the information when I can’t hear it over “LIES! THEY’RE JUST FUCKING LYING! WHAT, DOES HE THINK WE’RE STUPID” (and on, and on, and on).
He said, “NO, I WILL NOT TURN ON THE CLOSED CAPTIONING, IT IS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH. AND I’M SICK.” So, sick rules and birthday rules combine in a perfect storm. This is not going to be a good month.