I spoke this morning with a young woman who got her college degree in Korea, then decided she wanted to get her Masters in the US, then she got two Masters degrees and a job here.
I can’t even begin to imagine doing the reverse: starting a life in Korea. I only have enough heart to fly to Korea and stay there in a hotel for two weeks. I cannot imagine having enough heart to fly to a foreign country, find housing, take classes.
That conversation today struck me because lately I find I am greatly lacking in heart.
I’m not considering living in Korea, but I am considering selling Mom’s house. I’ve never sold a house before. I don’t like it. I’d say it’s scary, but that’s not the word. It’s not fear of the unknown; I have a general idea of the house-selling process. I’m not afraid, I’m not worried, I just don’t have the heart for it.
Here I have friends who hustle up grant money to direct plays in Germany, and friends who carve out a new careers in their forties, but I don’t even have the heart to do something as pedestrian as sell a house. If my brother wasn’t counting on half the money, I wouldn’t do it at all.
It’s not even a house I live in, for Pete’s sake. What is wrong with me? is it age? Anxiety? Complacency? I need a pep talk.