I was at the bank earlier this month because a transfer I'd made from the Credit Union to the bank hadn't gone through. I'd made it a month earlier, and the money had left the credit union, but not arrived at the bank. It was in Lucre Limbo. Pecuniary Purgatory. For a month. And because of that, a check had bounced, and a fee was incurred.
Mr. Bank Man got to the bottom of it. I had sent the money to a physical address that I can only imagine is a warehouse full of checks waiting for the bank to pick up the money using long brooms and a big truck.
"I can only imagine I had that in my bill pay list from ten years ago, and I just used it because it said 'Bank of America' in the name."
"Yes," he said, not looking at me like I was a crazy old woman who transfers money with electronic checks instead of transferring directly from one account to another.
I said, "I would transfer directly from one account to another but I know you don't do that."
"We do that."
Not ten years ago you didn't, I thought. And then I realized I am old, so old, and so not keeping up with the times and technology.
I vowed then and there not to be the old lady who shows up at the bank with bearer bonds, demanding to convert them in Certificates of Deposit. I'm with it. I'm in to computers, man. I want to use only the latest and greatest technology.
"We'll waive the overdraft fee on your account," Mr. Bank Man said, clicking away on his pc. Then he said, "Your overdraft - oh, wow!"
"Wow, I've never seen that."
"What, is the overdraft like a thousand dollars?"
"Oh, no, it's just you have a really old type of overdraft account. I've never seen one like this before."
"Well I don't want something old," I said, because I had just had this epiphany about wanting to use only the latest and greatest technology.
"What we do now is give you a home improvement loan for your overdrafts."
"I do not want that," I said, because I AM OLD AND I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE. And that was a good choice, since I have now looked online and they don't use a home improvement loan, it's a credit card, and I'm devoted to my American Airlines credit card. All vacations are funded by the American Airlines card. It's like getting Green Stamps.
And because I am old enough to remember Green Stamps, I went home and set it up so I can transfer directly from the Credit Union to the Bank.