Well, evidently my sense of humor was based in my uterus, because now that my uterus is a shriveled husk, my sense of humor has evaporated. Things that would have made me laugh before now fill me with rage.
My mantra is now, "I Have Had It." It varies, sometimes I Have Enough Of This Shit, or I Have Had All I Can Take Of These People, or I Have Had It Up To My Drooping Boobs or Even My Saggy Wattle.
I am on the edge of punching a hole in the wall every minute. The anger is visible: I had to be taken to task today for the pointed body language I was laying on my boss.
I don't want to suppress my anger any more. It's unjust that everyone else can bite at each other like a nest of rats, but I need to stay calm. And rational. And I won't. Even if I could. Anymore. Which I can't.
And God forbid that Gary raise his voice about anything - it makes me fracture into a thousand flying shards of hatred. Every little tone sends me off. The whiny tone. The cranky tone. The verge of hysteria tone, which is Gary's baseline.
And of course, all this comes to a head when Gary's in his most stressful situation and I am expected to be at my most calm: when he is driving and I'm the navigator. Gary thinks we need to drive MORE to get past this problem. A visit to each cave on the way to (shudder) Branson, MO. Branson. It has come to this. Can you imagine a fresher hell, a four hour road trip to Branson? Each of our last two road trips was marked by Gary using the D word. Those couples who get divorced after thirty years? I bet they've been on a menopausal road trip to Branson.
I've volunteered to go back on my meds, but Gary thinks it's testosterone. "That's pretty much how guys feel all the time." Well, my apologies to guys everywhere. Thanks for not punching me in the face when I complain, whine, or just express any emotion at all.
Yeah, my sense of humor is pretty much gone, too. I don't feel a perpetual bubbling rage but occasionally, I get this crazy mad spike of anger that my wiser self knows I need to cool off, and quick.
I don't even have a uterus anymore but I'm pretty sure my ovaries have long since turned against me.
Posted by: Becs | August 12, 2015 at 08:31 AM
I am always kind of "angry" with people and have never felt any real need to hide my feelings so the "pause" didn't have any real impact that way.
I used to get hugely uptight on road trips especially if we missed a turn or got lost. Santa has taught me to deal with it differently and simply yells, "adventure!" and manages to turn it into one. I have learned to relax and go with it.
Posted by: Zayrina | August 12, 2015 at 12:32 PM
Every once in a while I surprise myself by lashing out in response to things like pretty young people giving me that glassy-eyed look as if I didn't exist if a presume to make a friendly remark, or being herded around when in a crowd by little pipsqueaks in uniform. And the pecking away at devices interspersed with stupid yacking and looking at pictures of selfies and the crappy food everywhere: well, I could go on. I refuse to drive in Seattle, which is approaching gridlock levels and becoming too hard to deal with. Not to say that anyone's going to get out of their cars! Perish the thought!
We need to get away from each other. A lot. And we are forced into each others' company all the time. And alas, being Americans, we aren't always too good at common courtesies. I mean, crowded as we are, we have got to very courteous.
Oh, and a special shout-out to the girls who like to fiddle with their long hair and flop it around in confined quarters such as airplanes. And the people who spend a fortune to fly but never check their luggage just to save a buck and make life hell for flight attendants who end up having to stow their crap for them; these are hard-working women who don't even get tips!
Peasants who think they are aristocrats, that's what they are.
And you thought you were a curmudgeon!
Posted by: Hattie | August 18, 2015 at 12:24 PM
Not even to mention manspreading, of which I saw many examples on the trip I just came back from. Gotta keep those jewels nice and cool!
https://search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?p=manspreading&ei=UTF-8&hspart=mozilla&hsimp=yhs-001
Posted by: Hattie | August 18, 2015 at 12:27 PM
Sorry for all the dumb typos. Don't hate me for them. Please.
Posted by: Hattie | August 18, 2015 at 12:29 PM
Becs - That's it! The spike that comes out of nowhere! Why are all the murders cmmitted by young people? That makes no sense. Perhaps old people are smart enough to not get caught.
Zayrina - Gary used to be a touch less stressed about driving, but now he's a delicate flower. We can't have two stressed people in the car.
Hattie -I'm with you on the manspreading and the luggage. And I picture you typing in a blind rage, so the typos are understandable.
Posted by: theQueen | August 20, 2015 at 07:56 AM