Wine Is The New Orange Crush

Wine.

Something to learn about. Something to be an expert on. Something to purchase. One can purchase both wine and wine accoutrements. One can research wine, find the best wine, find the best wine temperature, the best wine vacuum, the best wine stoppers.

In other words, wine is something Gary will take to like a duck to a big old lake filled with expensive wine.

In the fifteen days since the wine party, Gary has purchased:

• 3 more bottles of wine from the company that did the wine party.
• 6 more bottles from the grocery
• Ten rubber corks
• One bottle vacuum
• Two wine apps
• One wine aerator

The final straw was the aerator. Seriously, it's a pricey plastic sieve, and he tried to convince me that his research claimed pouring wine through this sieve would dramatically improve the taste of wine.

"Taste. Test." I demanded when it was delivered. He agreed.

I took the control sip of some dry white "oaky" wine. As always, it made me shudder. Blech.

I took a sip of the "aerated" wine. That little plastic thing had worked magic. It was like the Miracle at Cana: stomach acid into wine.

"That can't be," I thought, "Maybe my tongue's drunk." I took a sip of the non-aerated control again. Shudder. Yechh. Another sip of the aerated one. Delicious.

So, while the aerator was a good purchase, we now have this wine monkey on our backs, and friends, he is an expensive monkey. So...

In the fifteen days since the wine party, I have purchased:

• Two toy cash drawers filled with play money

Now when I am paid, all the discretionary post-bill income goes in to one cash drawer. Then, as we put money on the credit card, the play cash moves from one drawer ("Money We Have") to another ("Money We Spent").

On the very first day of this experiment a quarter of the discretionary income went to two bottles of wine. Horrifying. However, a day after that we scored a free bottle of wine, so that's a bright side.

Comments

[allison]

Shut UP. Wine aerator's really WORK?

[allison]

Aerators! Aerators! Oh sonofabitch, I can't even blame autocorrect because I'm not on my phone. I have to move and change my name now.

[Hattie]

Ha ha! No longer are we drunks. We are wine connoisseurs as in the finest magazine advertisements!
I used to drink a lot of wine but became grossed out at some point by the yeasty odor. I'll drink it sometimes but do not care for it as I once did.

[Becs]

There is no wine outside of France. That should limit any far-reaching searches. France. That is all.

[Zayrina]

Never had any alcoholic beverage that I thought tasted good on its own. It all just tastes like alcohol to me. Yuck. Definitely would go with the orange crush.

[Thequeen]

Allison - I think spelling aerator correctly on the fly as I'm sure you did makes up for the apostrophe. And yes, they really do work.
Hattie - They say tastes change every seven years. In fact, I just learned that every molecule in your body changes every seven years.
Becs - The only cheese is in France as well.
Zayrina - Yeah, I think I'd pick orange crush over wine still, but with the right combo of food wine can be pretty tolerable now.

[TheGary]

Mattie, wine has no yeast in it. Maybe, you were drinking beer. 😊

We haven't started liking snooty wines yet. We look for the sweetest white or red wine that we can find and then aerate the oak and tannins out of them. Most of the bitter tastes in fine wine evaporate off if the wine is decanted for 5 or 6 hours or aerated once or twice. Wine snobs get to like the bitter taste but it covers up the true bouquet of the wine so it is best to remove it. The cheapest wines at the start taste the best.

[TheGary]

Becs, I beg to differ. I love German wine.

[TheQueen]

All - Gary has discovered social media in a big way this last week. He's hit up all the old girlfriends on Facebook. Now he's moved on to the blog. Feel free to engage. For example, "Mattie," you can suggest wine doesn't have grapefruit in it either but I keep hearing about grapefruit notes in wine.