("Sanitary details" was our family term for pads. Or, I could have called the post "rat matresses.")
All symptoms of menopause have cleared up. No hot flashes, no dryness. Instead, I am making up for all those period-free years. The OB-GYN said that since everything had looked good, my options were: hysterectomy / hormones.
I filled the hormone prescription, but then I thought of a third option: wait it out. Seriously, this has to end sometime. It went on a five month hiatus over the summer.
So, last Tuesday I was in the bathroom at work and discovered that my uterus is still acting like a teenager. I fished a quarter out of my purse and went to the box on the wall, only to find tampons were all sold out.
I'm a little tampon-shy since one went AWOL recently. Well, not AWOL. It wasn't missing in action, I just ... forgot about it. Thankfully after two days it said, "Get me outta here," and I was all, "How did you get in there?" Late night half-asleep visits to the bathroom can make you lose track.
ANY way, I opted for a pad since I didn't want to trek unprotected to another bathroom. This is what I got for my quarter:
GARDS. Not Guards. GAAAAAARDS.
"Typo!" I thought. Gary's theory is that it's a deliberate legal misspelling, like "Cheez."
I am in the "Surprise, you're a teenager" phase, too. I go 3 months and then Superstorm Suebob hits. And it is always timed perfectly to trips or vacation. Like this week. Gah.
Posted by: Suebob | November 12, 2014 at 09:10 AM
Hysterectomy. I recommends it highly. There are issues though, the hot flashes appear never ending, etc. Menopause can last a long, long time.
Oh and the forgetting the tampon thing is extremely dangerous and is the fast track to toxic shock. Don't wear them if you think you might forget them.
Posted by: Zayrina | November 12, 2014 at 10:36 AM
I had problems with severe cramps since the age of eleven so when the ob/gyn said "hysterectomy", I said "Sign me up. Now." I wish I'd had it done years and years ago.
Posted by: Becs | November 12, 2014 at 03:52 PM
Hmm. I kind of snuck through menopause. Didn't visit a doc and didn't take hormones. But then I never even took birth control pills. I guess I'm a gynocological delinquent.
Posted by: Hattie | November 13, 2014 at 12:23 PM
I'm in the off-the-pill-for-a-year apocalyptic-period perimenopause stage. Which is just awesome.
Posted by: allison | November 16, 2014 at 03:57 PM
I kind of snuck through menopause. Had a rocky six months or so there. Ancient history now.
Posted by: Hattie | November 18, 2014 at 12:43 PM
Suebob - Yes! Just when you're going on vacation! Cruel.
Zayrina - You know, someone should invent a cunning plastic tag that could latch on to the string. I'm thinking something like those dealy-bobs we put inside 45s to make them work on the turntable.
Becs - You know, I might have mine taken out but it would soil my perfect no-surgery record.
Hattie - I don't think I'll be as lucky as you, but I just think I should be able to gut it out.
Allison - Ah, I had a friend live through that. Periods every few weeks. Misery.
Hattie - I pine for the day it's ancient history.
Posted by: Thequeen | November 18, 2014 at 08:54 PM