Sanitary Details

("Sanitary details" was our family term for pads. Or, I could have called the post "rat matresses.")

All symptoms of menopause have cleared up. No hot flashes, no dryness. Instead, I am making up for all those period-free years. The OB-GYN said that since everything had looked good, my options were: hysterectomy / hormones.

I filled the hormone prescription, but then I thought of a third option: wait it out. Seriously, this has to end sometime. It went on a five month hiatus over the summer.

So, last Tuesday I was in the bathroom at work and discovered that my uterus is still acting like a teenager. I fished a quarter out of my purse and went to the box on the wall, only to find tampons were all sold out.

I'm a little tampon-shy since one went AWOL recently. Well, not AWOL. It wasn't missing in action, I just ... forgot about it. Thankfully after two days it said, "Get me outta here," and I was all, "How did you get in there?" Late night half-asleep visits to the bathroom can make you lose track.

ANY way, I opted for a pad since I didn't want to trek unprotected to another bathroom. This is what I got for my quarter:

GARDS.  Not Guards. GAAAAAARDS.

"Typo!" I thought. Gary's theory is that it's a deliberate legal misspelling, like "Cheez."

 

Comments

[Suebob]

I am in the "Surprise, you're a teenager" phase, too. I go 3 months and then Superstorm Suebob hits. And it is always timed perfectly to trips or vacation. Like this week. Gah.

[Zayrina]

Hysterectomy. I recommends it highly. There are issues though, the hot flashes appear never ending, etc. Menopause can last a long, long time.

Oh and the forgetting the tampon thing is extremely dangerous and is the fast track to toxic shock. Don't wear them if you think you might forget them.

[Becs]

I had problems with severe cramps since the age of eleven so when the ob/gyn said "hysterectomy", I said "Sign me up. Now." I wish I'd had it done years and years ago.

[Hattie]

Hmm. I kind of snuck through menopause. Didn't visit a doc and didn't take hormones. But then I never even took birth control pills. I guess I'm a gynocological delinquent.

[allison]

I'm in the off-the-pill-for-a-year apocalyptic-period perimenopause stage. Which is just awesome.

[Hattie]

I kind of snuck through menopause. Had a rocky six months or so there. Ancient history now.

[Thequeen]

Suebob - Yes! Just when you're going on vacation! Cruel.
Zayrina - You know, someone should invent a cunning plastic tag that could latch on to the string. I'm thinking something like those dealy-bobs we put inside 45s to make them work on the turntable.
Becs - You know, I might have mine taken out but it would soil my perfect no-surgery record.
Hattie - I don't think I'll be as lucky as you, but I just think I should be able to gut it out.
Allison - Ah, I had a friend live through that. Periods every few weeks. Misery.
Hattie - I pine for the day it's ancient history.