Birthday Gifts

My birthday is coming up. What to get me, what to get me?

I've been very clear with Gary for the last six months. "I want one of those SodaStream devices for my birthday."

They were the go-to gift for Christmas one year. You make your own soda! Given that the soda we like (Diet Orange Crush) has gone from $3.50 a case a year and a half ago to FIVE DOLLARS A CASE CRIMINAL RAT BASTARDS, and given that we drink four cases a week, I felt we could save some green by cutting off the Orange.

The only problem is that a SodaStream costs almost a hundred dollars, and while we'd quickly make that back in homemade soda savings, it would only work if I could be sure this wouldn't happen:

Gary takes his first sip of homemade soda. Clutches throat, reels, gags out "I can't drink THAT," and drags the device out to the curb.

That was one issue. Another was that it looked ungainly and plastic to me, and at 18 inches high I didn't know if I wanted it taking up valuable counter real estate.

We were at the Bed Bath & Beyond debating the SodaStream, asking strangers who bought the soda juice if they liked theirs, when I glanced across the aisle and ... saw...

A KitchenAid SodaStream.

It's like some marketing executive saw into my soul and said, "You are a shallow, status-conscious woman who cannot reconcile her new found desire to save money with her long-held desire to appear rich! Hahahaha! Your weak mind will bend to my KitchSoda AidStream mashup!"

And I wanted it so much, so much. At only twice the price of the regular SodaStream! ONLY TWICE THE PRICE.

But, the marketing geniuses overplayed their hand and brought into my problem into sharp contrast: I am both status-conscious and money-conscious, and that is an impossible combination. It turned me against SodaKitchenStreamAids entirely.

Gary carried on, weakly suggesting we could get a regular Middle Class SodaStream, in keeping with our station, and have fun mixing our own flavors. "It would be like cooking with soda!" I then pictured:

Gary takes his first sip of homebrewed Dr. Pepper-Cherry-Orange Crush soda. Clutches throat, reels, gags out "I can't drink THAT," and spits soda into the sink.

Instead, Gary bought some water flavoring drops and is commited to drinking more water to cut back our $100 a month soda budget.

So, instead of getting me a SodaStream, Gary has relied on his own devices. Therefore, for my birthday I am getting a pie carrier, a phone case, and ...

A sex toy. (Or should I say another sex toy?) It is a stand-alone G-Spot stimulator. I've been quite happy with having my G-Spot ignored for thirty years. I don't know what may happen.

Perhaps I will try it, then gag, then reel, then choke out "I can't use THAT..."

Comments

[~~Silk]

Hmmmm. Going by your photo of "a case", $5 per case works out to $1.25 per liter.

The machine is $100, let's say. But you have to also buy the CO2 canisters and flavoring packets, which (according to Wikipedia), works out to about $.75 per liter. That's a savings of about $.50 per liter. It would take you 200 liters before you start to show a savings.

At your current rate of 16 liters per week (Holy Crap! That's a LOT for two people! Are you really drinking that much soda?) it would take 12.5 weeks to start saving, and then you save at the rate of $8 per week, and that's only if you drink all the soda you make. Knowing Gary, he's going to experiment with flavors, so you can probably count on 2/3 of the savings going down the drain until he settles on a standard blend.

And that's only if you get the cheaper machine.

[jessica fantastica]

Get the Soda Stream! We love ours and it has made us drink less soda. But, don't expect Cola to taste like Coke, nor Dr. Pete to taste like Dr. Pepper. But Orange Soda tastes like orange soda! I've made my own syrups but because I don't have access to sweeteners 1000X sweeter than sugar, it's more like half a bottle of water to half my concoction. I can't recommend them enough if you like having soda in the house but don't have the self control to not drink a whole case in a day (like us). Also, if you go for it, make sure you take your CO2 canister in for recycling at Target or wherever, it'll make your refills half price.

[Zayrina]

Life it too freaking short as it is, you need to just go for a few things. Nothing would be sadder for you than to scrimp and save for a retirement that may or may not come and wind up giving it all to a nursing home in the end.

Sincerely, The Grasshopper

[Hattie]

Go ahead and get what you want, I say!

[~~Silk]

Do let us know what you decide, and how it works out.

[Thequeen]

~~Silk - it's all true. We decided against it. The death knell came when we accepted we hate soda in bottles. If it could have made cold cans of soda, that would be another story.
Jessica Fantastica - we opted out, though we did take your endorsement into account. Gary did find orange crush for four bucks a case today. Yeah, we're can addicts.
Zayrina - not a chance. We are scrimping so we can have more money to blow on vacations, not nursing homes.
Hattie - but it turns out that what I want is canned soda, that's the deal breaker.
All- Gary has discovered Dasani (coke) makes special water flavorings and is making concoctions out of that.

[Thequeen]

Oh! And the g spot thing is INSANE. We only used it once and it is just too good for anything but special occasions. Can something be unpleasantly good?

[Tami]

I have a Soda Stream. I bought it at the Costco, it was the special Costco-only edition. I keep a couple of flavors of syrup in the house, but I use it almost exclusively for when I think, "I want a whiskey and ginger ale. Do I have any ginger ale? I can MAKE ginger ale!"

[Hattie]

What I don't want is one of those things like my sister in law has that makes smoothies with the texture of baby poo.