Allow me to stick my head between my knees and speak loudly to my vulva.
"You are in menopause. I am done with this drama. No one else I know has a labial flap that weeps blood for no apparent reason. I do not understand why I am the only one cursed with this stigmata. Wait. Is it the Pope? Is this a sign of the end times?"
I can't imagine what I did to bring this scourge back on me. I thought I was all done with the issue of blood from the outside of my insides, especially since it was in synch with my cycle and now I no longer even HAVE a bike. Now that I am cycle-free you'd think I'd be done with any ersatz menstruation.
And this time it is tenacious. I was unaware that the healing ointment that knocked it out last time had expired, and it took that opportunity to set up camp. Now, even with a new prescription, it just keeps doubling down. I clear it up, it comes back, and it shocks me every time. "What is this! Am I - oh, damnit."
It's like my crotch has Muchausen's and is faking a period for pity. Or to look young.
(Puts head between legs.) "SERIOUSLY."