(For reference: Previous posts dealing with the Crotch Rot - this, this, this, this, this, this, and most recently, this.)
Allow me to stick my head between my knees and speak loudly to my vulva.
"You are in menopause. I am done with this drama. No one else I know has a labial flap that weeps blood for no apparent reason. I do not understand why I am the only one cursed with this stigmata. Wait. Is it the Pope? Is this a sign of the end times?"
I can't imagine what I did to bring this scourge back on me. I thought I was all done with the issue of blood from the outside of my insides, especially since it was in synch with my cycle and now I no longer even HAVE a bike. Now that I am cycle-free you'd think I'd be done with any ersatz menstruation.
And this time it is tenacious. I was unaware that the healing ointment that knocked it out last time had expired, and it took that opportunity to set up camp. Now, even with a new prescription, it just keeps doubling down. I clear it up, it comes back, and it shocks me every time. "What is this! Am I - oh, damnit."
It's like my crotch has Muchausen's and is faking a period for pity. Or to look young.
(Puts head between legs.) "SERIOUSLY."
wait what now?
Posted by: Mrs. Hall | March 12, 2014 at 11:49 AM
Mrs.Hall - You have been here for years! How have you missed the Holy Weeping Cooter? I have added references at the top.
Posted by: TheQueen | March 12, 2014 at 07:17 PM
they have labial resection surgery these days. maybe give that a try!
Posted by: Mrs. Hall | March 13, 2014 at 08:11 AM
Mrs hall - the blood is coming from inside the house now. Pissing blood not even connected to the same system. I am all kinds of confused. Made a doctor's appomtment.
Posted by: Thequeen | March 13, 2014 at 12:39 PM
oh for lawds sake!! seriously ellen's vagina . . GET A LIFE!!!
Posted by: Mrs. Hall | March 13, 2014 at 03:27 PM
Oh dear. Darn lady parts anyway!
Posted by: Hattie | March 14, 2014 at 04:36 PM
Mrs hall - It heard you and started to bleed I swear to God.
Hattie - Nice thing about women is that I know every one of a certain age had been through this before and I dont know of one who had lady part cancer.
Posted by: TheQueen | March 15, 2014 at 12:14 PM