I should be tied to my bed so I don't do stupid things in the middle of the night.
Two days ago I scalded the tip of my tongue by eating an overly-hot hot dog. I just ignored it, as I do, until it woke me up in the middle of the night. Well, it partially woke me up. Believe me, I was not in a normal alert state.
If I were alert i would have shuffled to the bathroom to get the Ambesol. Instead I shuffled out to the kitchen to find something cold in the freezer.
There was no ice. I tried putting my tongue on the empty plastic ice cube tray. Not cold enough. Box of brussels sprouts? Not cold enough. Piece of metal on the front of the shelf? Ooooo, that looks good.
As I leaned in I even heard Flick cry "Thuck! THUCK!" from the Christmas Story. But I was half asleep.
I woke up when my tongue got stuck on the freezer shelf. Not too stuck: a good head jerk did the trick. No need to call the fire department.
The result was a slightly bloody tongue that night, and some frozen tongue on the freezer shelf which I scraped off this morning.