Pre-Shelf Elf

I need to say this before the Christmas tree and this ornament go back to the basement.

This ornament has been - I can't say "in my family," that makes it sound like an heirloom. Start again. I did not throw this little elf away when Mom died, though I threw away his five brother elves, and though I knew them since birth.You can only imagine the sense of power I had as a child, straightening his legs, wadding them back up, pulling them out, wadding them back up.

Note the casual crossed-leg posture my elf has adopted. An extra dose of cuteness. Or constipation.

So, on Thanksgiving day I see this floating past Macy's.

My first thought: I thought WE were the only family with the little elf. Second, that elf is barely protecting his shins. Why didn't they cross his legs? And what is wrong with his ears?

Once again I have missed out on some child-centered pop culture. Evidently there's a new book about The Elf on The Shelf, and these elves sit on shelves and spy on children. I suppose this elf's posture was an homage to my elf, called a "knee-hugger" on ebay.

I still like my elf. I still pull out his legs. Secure elf. Wad up his legs. Insecure elf.

Comments

[Zayrina]

The elf on a shelf thing is just frickin' creepy. I refer to the Twilight Zone episode with "Talking Tina".

BTW your elf has really Satanically evil looking eyes. I would burn it.

[Tami]

Yeah, those are creepy eyes that look like the elf's soul has been eaten by some black goo monster.

We had a similar elf doll when I was younger. We didn't have a Christmas tree, but the doll was sold attached to the laundry detergent that Mom bought, so we got the doll. We might have had a couple, over the years. I recall loving the leg-hugging action more than you'd think was really possible.

[Caroline]

The Elf on a Shelf is evil. Parents who buy it thinking "won't this be cute for the kids?" find themselves pressured to move it nightly. Then people on FB post pictures of their elves getting into all kinds of naughty situations. Get your mind out of the gutter, it's not (usually) that kind of naughty.

Sometimes the elf gets into the flour and leaves a mess on the counter. Soemtimes he climbs up super high. Sometimes he steals Barbie's convertible. There are thousands of Pinterest ideas for this. And if you ever miss a night, you have to write a letter from the elf in disguised handwriting to explain the lack of movement to your devestated children.

I refuse to pay $30 to take on a nightly chore.

[allison]

Thank GOD I was living in whatever cave I was living in that allowed me to miss the elf on the shelf when my kids were little. I wish I could miss the Elfgate that occurs every Christmas when the "Elf on the Shelf is stupid/crazy/labour/intensive/creepy" faction and the "Elf on the Shelf is delightfully whimsical/magical/part of any complete childhood" factions have their yearly rumble. But yeah - dude, your elf looks evil.

[TheQueen]

Zayrina - You know, about the eyes: I saw that shot and I thought, "I never noticed that one eye was all black." Then I wondered if it might be a trick of the camera, and I went to check the elf and BOTH EYES ARE ALL BLACK NOW.
Tami - Evidently they were all the rage in the 50s. I wonder if kids today have a doll they can switch from secure to insecure. Give Barbie a car?
Caroline - I tried to link to the elfshaming.com but they seem to have shut down for the season.
Allison - I think the elf thing is pretty recent. Wikipedia says there was a book written in 2005. I can't imagine elf pressure on top of holiday stress.