Has anyone had a colonoscopy recently?
I had one in my mid-thirties, and now that I am fifty I get to have a regularly scheduled colonoscopy in December.
I got the materials in the mail, and they include a handy visual aid of what the inside of your colon looks like if your preparation was Excellent, Good, Fair, and Poor.
I will not scan the photos in. Imagine if you will ...
Excellent: a spotless colon. No puddles or poo. Also, it has ridges. I suppose when it's empty it just accordians like that.
Good: a spotless colon that has a millimeter of fluid in the bottom. It still has ridges. I remember my last colonoscopy, and I remember the doctor having to vacuum up a few yellow puddles of bile. I don't know how that happened, because believe me, after half a year of irritable bowel syndrome, three days of Jell-O, and a gallon of bowel prep I am amazed I even had a colon.
Fair: This colon is one third full of fluid sewage. And there are no ridges, for some reason.
Poor: Yeah. It's poop. Yellow poop coating the sides, worming its way about the colon. Eww. I just looked at it again. Ewwww.
Gary did not say "ew." Gary screamed and threw the paper across the room. Gary's colonoscopy isn't till January.
I plan to drink extra bowel prep poop juice so my colon is pink and dry and ridged like the Sahara. I have something to aspire to now.
Well, that makes a change. For most of us December means Christmas and holidays.
Posted by: Big Dot | November 26, 2012 at 08:42 PM
Make your life easier by:
1. Gradually decreasing your intake of food to nothing until the fated day.
2. Drink the slime ice cold and as quickly as you can.
Good luck.
Posted by: Becs | November 26, 2012 at 08:47 PM
My mom had to get one every year for about 20 years because she had colon cancer. (Now they let her go a few years inbetween) She said this last one was a breeze compared to times past. She used to bring a huge bag home from the pharmacy of stuff she had to imbibe. I know Citrus of Magnesia was one and there was an enema in there. She much preferred the add tasteless stuff to Gatorade version.
Posted by: Amy in StL | November 27, 2012 at 01:23 PM
The worst part is drinking the stuff. The last time I had a colonoscopy I had done such a good job of cleaning myself out that it took forever to find any veins for an IV because they had all collapsed!
Fun!
But way better than colon cancer, which runs in both Terry's family and mine.
Posted by: Hattie | November 27, 2012 at 02:11 PM
Nothing like a day of explosive fire hose diarrhea to put you in the Holiday Spirit.
Posted by: Benchmark | November 27, 2012 at 09:40 PM
Big Dot - You know, from what I remember of my last colonoscopy there is a bright green bile bile at the far end of my colon, and the colon itself is akmost red. Red and green, Christmas colors.
Becs - I am starting as of today. I ate cantelope, cottage cheese, a third of my lunch, and no dinner. I bet I could live on all liquids. I could match the "Excellent" picture without the fluid even. Inner beauty.
Amy in StL - That's awful to think it was once worse!
Hattie - I have no cancer at all in my family, maternal or paternal. Gary did have an aunt with colon cancer, though.
Benchmark - But then I'll be all clean and fresh and empty for the holiday eating.
Posted by: TheQueen | November 27, 2012 at 11:25 PM
Poo-cano!
Posted by: Wendy | November 30, 2012 at 09:06 PM
Wendy - I'm going for a dormant poocano then ;-)
Posted by: TheQueen | December 01, 2012 at 03:32 PM