Bathroom Etiquette

I was in the bathroom at work. Like many of us, I am a First Stall Girl. No mincing around with studies on what is the least germy stall (middle). I go in the first stall I see. If someone's in the first stall I leave a buffer stall, as you do, and go there.

So I was in the first stall, and someone else was doing a Quiet Thing three stalls down. I began doing a Quiet Thing as well, because I'd had oatmeal for breakfast.

Two women walked and one sarcastically said, "Oh, it smells lovely in here."

This has happened to me before.

I didn't have the nerve to pipe up with an equally sarcastic "Sorry! Usually my stool smells like lemon shortbread cookies" because 1) I was at work and 2) I couldn't see who these women were, they might have been big revenue generators for TeddyJ and you don't slight those people and 3) there was someone else doing a Quiet Thing and that might make her feel as if I was shuttling the blame to her.

Everyone else left before I did, so I didn't even get a chance to give the dainty woman the snake eye. Instead I went and complained to friends, which sparked a debate:

RESOLVED: Given that the woman was rude to say anything before checking that all the stalls were empty, would it have been rude to say the same thing to her friend in an empty bathroom? Some say no.

I say, for God's sake it's a bathroom. Commenting on the smell of a bathroom is like going to a Knights of Columbus Hall and complaining there are so many drunks there.

Also, commenting on smells in a bathroom is like commenting on sounds in a bathroom, it is not done, even if no one is there. (Unless you are on your blog the next day.)

This leaves me with one more question: how do I avoid this in the future?

a) Gary suggested lighting a match, but only because his mom discovered that (despite my "boldness") I'm afraid of paper matches. (You're only protected from fire by one inch of a flammable substance. Crazy.)

b) He also suggested that I, like him, flush continuously to "create a vacuum effect."

c) I thought I might just become a Last Stall Girl, or

d) Buy some Kobayashi Powerful One Drop. Tagline: "eliminate unwanted odors, like a ninja, silent, powerful, leaving no trace."

Comments

[Zayrina]

Ha ha. Well let me tell you my story: I work in a smallish nursing home as a respiratory therapist. I am actually not an RT, but rather an LPN who plays an RT for my company . The pay is good and the work is easier than nursing but let me tell you I have learned that RT's are healthcare's redheaded stepchildren. Additionally our company contracts to do the therapy so we are step kids once removed. We are treated poorly by nursing staff and managers and administration. At one point we were evicted from fairly comfortable office surroundings into the general rift. Our corporate people protested this demanding that we be given space to maintain an office. So they gave us a space, a coat room that is connected to the employee bathroom which is a one seater. We are therefore privy to all that goes on in the bathroom. I have discovered that I work with extremely flatulent people. Well I am no shrinking violet when it comes to expressing myself and particularly if I can embarrass other people. So one day during morning meeting, (this is attended by department heads, of which I am NOT one but have to attend anyway) I announced that my office mates and I had learned to identify various people by dint of their odors and sounds produced in the bathroom, saying essentially that it was as accurate as fingerprinting. This is hoohaw of course but the look of panic in various eyes was hysterical. Usage of that bathroom fell by 90%. The maintenance guy, who has become the younger pesky brother I never had and never wanted, poops in there on purpose now.

[Becs]

I've put a stink in the work bathroom before and thought desperately, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! But hey, it's not my fault that the bathroom was designed with non-functioning ventilation and a fragrance spritzer that is continually empty. (That's because the custodian is 4'5" and too short to reach it.)

As for the noises, I try to wait for toilet flushes or when somebody uses the Navy jet engine that was installed as a hand dryer.

[Mare]

We have an automatic deodorizer sprayer that I swear monitors poo stink molecules in the air. I can go in there 10 times and pee, and it never goes off, but that sucker sprays within about 10 seconds or so of making a Quiet (stinky) Thing...it kind of scares me. Then again, it works...

[TheQueen]

Zayrina - You are a stitch. I love this.
Becs - Well, now that I've read ~~Silks post referencing pancreatic cancer and found that yes, smells are a warning sign of the rarer pancreatic cancers, I would fear the frangance maskers.
Mare - Okay, a device with an artifical "nose" IS scary. Some things machines shouldn't be able to do. See http://www.prolitec.com/glossary.htm#airTreatmentAgent

[Amy in StL]

I'm a stall #7 girl. I'll use #9 - #5 if necessary to leave a buffer stall. (BTW, not everyone in my building gets the buffer stall thing. I've been in the empty bathroom and had someone sit in the adjacent stall to do business.) I usually flush right after my business breaks free. This keeps the smell down and usually only requires two flushes.

I never comment on the smell though I do sometimes marvel in my head at it. The worst stall invaders and smell producers seem to come from the floor above us. My guess is that they've been mocked so they don't use the facilities on their own floor. (There are two of each on every floor.)

[TheQueen]

Amy in StL - Marvelling in your head is prefectly understandable. And my guess is the people on the floor above have a female president / owner of their company. I've been in that situation. There's a reason for executive bathrooms.

[Caroline]

On my old floor we got sewage back up smells in the bathroom. I miss the ability to see over other buildings from the windows, but not the stench.

[TheQueen]

Caroline - Sigh. We can never be in the bathroom together.

[Autumn]

I LOVE ONE DROP AND HAVE USED IT FOR YEARS. It doesn't work for everyone, but I think it's great. My cousin first got it from her Japanese friend when she worked in Hawaii, and she got our entire family hooked on it.

[TheQueen]

Autumn - a satisfied customer! Does it make your stall smell like eucalyptus, though?

[Tami]

Last Wednesday morning, I got a feeling in my belly and thought, "Uh-oh". Before even heading upstairs to my desk, I made a direct line to the rest room closest to the door.

A woman came in complaining about how could the bathroom possibly smell so bad, so early? I said nothing, but wanted to shout out that I'm sorry, but the bathroom is the designated place to go for these situations. If you need to do a quiet thing, doing so *outside* a rest room is out of the question!

[TheQueen]

Tami - Who ARE these people? If they poop, do they not smell? (I did order some of that One Drop stuff, though.)

[Autumn]

Not really eucalyptus...it has a neutralizing scent and even though they say it's eucalyptus it's not really. But it's not bad and it's definitely preferable to the other scent. It's not like a room spray that just covers up the scent, it actually works. It's crazy.

[TheQueen]

Autumn - As it turns out I'd put it in my e-cart but not e-checked out. It's on its way now.

[Autumn]

Good! I hope you like it. Truthfully the first time I used it I was a little freaked out because it actually worked.

[TheQueen]

Autumn - it just arrived. Of course, I haven't has a chance to experiment, and Gary refused to play Mr. Science.

[bidet toilet]

Everytime I go to public bathroom, i always observe and make sure it is clean before i use it. Many times i got disappointed because many people do not pay attention to the cleanliness. I wonder if they apply the same manner at home.