Gary came home today and complained about my previous post. I left out part of the story. It was edited for time and content. Gary wants me to include the edited content.
When Gary decided we would be getting the granite bird bath and the sandstone bird bath, he went out to get the car, and the people manning the store (a man and a woman) began to shift the chosen bird baths toward the door. The man picked up the sand stone dish and put it down on a waist-high pile of birdseed bags.
Then he hefted the obviously heavy sandstone pedestal on his shoulder, staggered a bit under its weight, and bent over till it fell off his shoulder on the seed bags.
"Wait wait wait," I said, "That looks heavy. Gary can't carry that. His back is bad. He's got a back brace on right now."
"Oh this one isn't heavy," the man said, "That one is heavy." He pointed at the granite bird bath. "That one weighs 80 pounds."
"Wait wait wait," I said, again, "We have to see if Gary can move that."
"We can get it in to your car. No problem," they said, and I thought, yeah, no problem for you, that just means Gary's back won't go out in your store.
By then Gary have driven up and was reconfiguring the Fit into pickup truck mode. I waved him into the store.
"Gary, prove to me you can pick up this bird bath." I pointed at the sandstone pedestal.
He hefted it with ease.
"Now this one," and I pointed to the granite bird bath.
"Wait, let me buy them first," and he headed up to the counter because he wanted to get that cumbersome money out of his pocket.
"No! No! Don't buy it if you can't move it!"
So, Gary went over and shifted the piece of granite on the ground and said, "Oh, no problem." Then he settled up, and of course he had no idea what the prices were, and still didn't bat an eye when he heard the total of ###.## dollars. "Separate bank accounts," I said to the woman, as I always do when Gary buys recklessly.
Then the man and the woman both put on rubber gloves (the better to gain purchase) and in unison hefted the 80 pounds of granite out to our car. They assured Gary he could just slide the hunk of granite out of the car; he wouldn't have to lift anything.
So, as soon as the staff of the bird store went inside, Gary began to laugh and said, "Are you insane? I'll never get that thing out of the car. It must weigh 100 pounds. We'll have a ###.## dollar dead weight in the back of our car."
"What? What? You just - I just made you - why didn't you "
"No, it's okay, we'll just park the car on the front lawn and lift the hatch, then we'll just fill up the bird bath and then the birds will get their water."
Of course, when we got home I offered to help him lift, but Gary determined that would be too dangerous because I would get in the way. Instead, he felt I would be more useful opening doors and listening to shouting.
He was able to maneuver the sandstone dish and pedestal to the back yard without help, but the granite bird bath required more effort. I hid. That's what I did. I knew there'd be exponentially more yelling.
Then, Gary went in to the garage, got two 2X4s, and positioned them to make a ramp from the hatchback down to the lawn.
The neighbor across the street was on the way to the grocery and asked, "Hey man, can I help you out?" (I wasn't there, I'm reconstructing this from Gary's reports.)
Gary said, "No,man, the wife bought this god-awful heavy bird bath, and now I have to get it out of my car somehow."
Guy across the street said, "Here, let me help you," and hopped out of his truck.
Gary said, "Careful, man, this thing weighs 200 pounds."
Somehow, they were able to lift the bird bath on to the ramp of 2X4s and then slide it down the ramp "like butter." Gary said it was "surprisingly easy."
From there, they two of them were able to heft the bird bath onto a planter's wagon.
At that point, I came out of hiding and found to my delight the deed was done entirely without my attention. "Look at you," I told Gary admiringly, "You big strong man."
The guy across the street laughed a bit loudly at that.