Wedding Wear Dilemna

The nephew's wedding is in June, and we have heard from the bride what colors she wants the wedding party to wear. We are not in the wedding party (despite being paraded in and pelted with candies by the children - whatEVER) and I'm fine with that.

She wants to make sure we don't wear the same colors as worn by the wedding party. You know, so no one mistakes us for her family. I think the white skin might give it away, but JUST IN CASE we are not to wear...

White, Black, Navy, Purple, Lavender, Plum, or Gold.

At first I thought, well, I'll just wear a pants suit with that fancy silver top that is too nice for work. (Tries on top.) And too small for me, as happens to clothes you never wear.

So, Gary was saying, just buy yourself something you would usually wear to work, and I thought I don't wear suits to work anymore. But I do need to have a nice black pants suit in case someone dies. Damn! No black.

I could wear my off-white silk suit I wore to the derby - No, it's too close to white. I wouldn't wear it to a Christian wedding. I could wear what I wore to his last wedding - but that's bad juju, and it's black and white.

So, I thought, let's just give up on re-usable clothes, and then Gary raved on for a while, eventually saying "You'll need to have something we could wear to the opera - " and then I shut him down. Opera? Come on. I need something I could wear out to a nice dinner, and so does Gary.

(Sandy did say it didn't matter if we wore slacks or a dress. "Since you aren't muslim no one cares if you show your legs." I call BS on this. Old women will care. And stare. And glare.)

I poked about a little and everything plus-sized was Navy, Black, or White.

And then I really freed my mind. It seems to me if I'm going to wear something for special occasions I want to be a big artsy canvas. So I stopped looking at "Special Occasion pants sets" and looked up plus-size arty.

I discovered I am a strong black woman. I would wear the hell out of this ensemble:

No, I'm serious, it's me. AND IT'S PLUM, I realized, just before I bought it.

But look!

And she looks happier in the cinnamon. Seriously, this is still in the running, as is this:

Obviously, I wouldn't stand that way. Also, I'm not six feet tall. I love the cut, though, linen is not my friend.

I also found this red jacket:

I thought a while about that one until I realized the mannequin's shoulders are wide and square and the hips are small, and that's what I found appealing.

I like this duster quite a bit, but it would cost more than my plane ticket:

So that sent me off to the used clothing area on ebay, where I think I might have actually purchased this:

I bid with hours to go at twenty bucks. There's a matching lined tank and lined pants.Of course, it will look like I'm in a Southeast Asian costume, and everyone will assume I'm pretending to fit in. Totally inappropriate. I'll have to wear it to the opera if I win.

You can't see the (probably unlined) pants with this chiffon number, but it is brown and safe and I bought it right up.

It is entirely possible it won't fit, but I've bought lunches for less than this outfit.It doesn't shriek "look at me" like the beachy linen ensembles above, but since we will be the only non-brown people at this wedding we are going to be stared at, what with our exposed hair and sitting next to out husbands (sluts!).

Feel free to weigh in. Would giant Amazon linen outfits wrinkle less than little linen outfits? Should I spring for the duster? All this will be moot if the brown outfit shows up and fits.

Comments

[Becs]

Oh, please, not the beach linen madness. I vote on the sparkly. I have discovered that brown people like it (at least the ones I've known) when you appear to want to fit in with all the other sparkly. Besides, it's the prettiest one of the bunch imho.

[Amy in StL]

I'm sorry; I don't think the bride - unless she's a bridezilla - has any right to ask that people not wear certain colors. In other news, WTF is her wedding party wearing that is all those colors? Is she planning on beating the crap out of them earlier so they're all nice bruisy colors? I respect not wearing white - I even once didn't wear a white and grey seersucker because it looked white from afar - but when they list so many colors? Craziness!

[Zayrina]

Got to agree with Amy. I think I would feel a migraine coming on....

[Snow]

Damn, I love that red jacket, but I tend to love things with a waist. Mostly because I don't have one myself and somehow think that I can create the illusion of one. Mostly, I wind up looking like a barrel.

Spring for the duster! I love the duster. Not so much with the beachy things. The taupe-ish chiffon number is pretty, but the pants are a gamble.

[TheQueen]

Becs - I checked at work with a woman who is married to a Pakistani. She says they'd love it. I guess it would be like seeing a woman who is usually in a sari wearing a suit at church.
Amy in StL - Enh, I'm okay with it. She's made a lot of compromises already (a mere two-day wedding!) so she can be a little bossy. I think she wants to make sure her family looks special, and that's okay. The bridesmaids are in Lavender and gold (thus damning plum and purple as well). White black and navy are probably just not festive enough. It is going to make it tough for Gary to dress.
Zayrina - Oh, we don't tempt the migraine ...
Snow- Well, there are pants liners I can buy. I don't know how I know about the "Pants slip" but I do. I think my grandma wore them.

[Benchmark]

Can you borrow the hat from Princess Beatrice?

[Caroline]

My first thought on the blue sparkly one was that I've seen you in it before. What outfit am I thinking of?

[TheQueen]

Benchmark - Hats are tricky. Can't wear a hat indoors after 6pm. Somehow I think this is an evening wedding. Plus, that hat was beige; it wouldn't match.
Caroline - I have no idea. I do have a lot of necklaces in that aqua / topaz color combo.

Both arrived today, and both fit. I look like a rectangle in the blue, and quite curvy in the brown. The pants of the brown are slit from hem to knee, so that would need to change. The blue is too "LOOK AT ME" according to Gary. It looks more subdued with the blue pants swapped out with grey. I may have to leave the decision up to the relatives.