My Two Friends Get in a Spat

I have these two friends, Susan G and Pippi. I love them both. Susan G has HUGE boobs, is very athletic, always wears pink. Everyone loves her. Well, everyone loved her, until the big flap with Pippi began.

Everyone loves Pippi too, because she always takes care of everyone, no matter who. That's why I love her. Actually, there are some people out there who don't like Pippi because she's so liberal with her affections. Pippi has an allowance of 1 billion a year, so she can afford to do what she wants. She's like the honey badger: Pippi don't care.

Susan cares, though, and she wants to be friends with everyone. She has a big heart under the big boobs and figures the more friends the better. That includes the people who hate Pippi, and they were all like, "If you're friends with her, we can't be friends with you."

So Susan cut Pippi off, and that includes not paying her the $600K she owed her. Pippi doesn't care. Pippi gets a billion dollars a year.

Then it turned into a big flap and everyone had to take sides. "I STAND WITH PIPPI" people proclaimed on Faceback. "LET SUSAN KNOW!" 

I feebly said, "But I like them both! Can't I like them both?"

"Nope," Twitterers said, "#susanisawhore! #IstandwithPP!"

I answered, "I am sure both Pippi and Susan are not this upset. All they want is to get money and to help people." As it turned out, Susan had to publically apologize to Pippi.

I imagine a scene in which Susan and Pippi clutch their bellies and laugh.

"Dude!" Susan said to Pippi. "I am SOOO sorry. I am SO SORRY all those donations are pouring in."

"BWAH!" Pippi said to Susan."Did you hear? Mayor Bloomberg gave me $250,000 the first day."

"He's Team Pippi!" Susan said.

"How are those religious people you were hanging out with?" Pippi asked. "You know, the ones who think I do nothing but abortions all day long?"

"All on Team Susan now. I'm rolling in cash. I expect to see them at the race."

 "Awesome!" Pippi said, and they high-fived each other.

"Well, see you later," Susan said as she left. "Do a breast exam today, okay?"

"Get a pap smear!" Pippi answered and waved some money as she went out the door.

So ... I hope this all vlows over soon and I can care about my uterus and boobs at the same time. I hate it when friends fight.

Comments

[Zayrina]

The thing of it is that those of us who know Susan and Pippi and loved them both now understand that Susan has a dark side and can no longer be trusted. I carefully read Susan's statement and realized this might be round one. Susan has someone new on board who needs to tender her resignation before Susan will ever see another dime from me.

[Amy in StL]

I'm with Zayrina; but then I already didn't give money to Susan G because they've been in trouble in the past with how they spend their donations.

However, the funny thing is that some of the religious zealots I know not won't give money to Susan G because "they give money to Pippi to kill babies". As usual trying to push your political agenda in front of your humanitarian one means everyone loses.

[Zayrina]

Karen Handel has now resigned. Perhaps now the rebuilding of trust can begin. Perhaps.

[Brenda]

Susan G has been a bitch for years. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/07/komen-foundation-charities-cure_n_793176.html

She pretends like she wants to be friends with everyone but actually she doesn't. And when she takes the donations to buy the gift she takes a little off the top for her time and trouble so the gift you thought you were donating for is much less than you had thought it would be. A greedy bitch and self centered to boot.

She said sorry but if you read her apology it is really just a bunch of "isn't this what you wanted me to say" but she didn't mean a word of it. You can tell.

[Thequeen]

Zayrina - but the goal of sgk is fundraising, and if she can raise twice the funds by throwing pippi under the bus, then yay, more money for boobs. And if she can make millions for boobs at a measly 650k loss to uteruses, then yay again. If you look at it as a financial decision it makes sense. But people keep saying it's political and unprincipled. I think it's all about money.
Amy - see, I don't know if they have a humanitarian mission, just a fundraising one. I remember complaining to the MS society about some commercial that made MSers look like pathetic victims. The director explained their goal is to raise funds, not do PR. I see it as the same.

[Marcia]

"But a Komen insider told The Huffington Post on Sunday that Handel, who promised to defund Planned Parenthood during her 2010 campaign for governor of Georgia, has been pushing to drop the organization from grants since she was hired in April 2011. The source provided HuffPost with emails exchanged among Komen executives that prove Handel was the driving force behind the decision."

Full story: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/07/susan-komen-nancy-brinker-memoir-ppfa-women_n_1258761.html?ref=daily-brief?utm_source=DailyBrief&utm_campaign=020712&utm_medium=email&utm_content=NewsEntry&utm_term=Daily%20Brief

It's not about the money.

[TheQueen]

Brenda - Susan's gotta eat! Let her skim off a little!
Marcia - Isn't politics all about money? You get in bed with the group that can give you the most money, and that would be the Church and pro-life groups. The archdiocese was planning on giving them a large gift, certainly larger than 600K. The woman may be pro-life herself, but I still think she was courted by the church and added up the numbers. More money for my boobs, and now PP has more money for my uterus. It's alll goood.

[Brenda]

I would almost trust someone more that was motivated by $$$ than hate. I don't trust her and she has shown her true colors in so many ways since this has all come out. Here is a screen shot of a retweet that has vanished from her page: http://twitpic.com/8ejdmb

It's not the greed that scares me, it's the fanatics...

[TheQueen]

Brenda - If the hate fuels the greed, then I say that's fine for me. My boobs don't care about the motivation behind the money.