I've been trying to pinpoint what made my intestines liquefy Wednesday at 2 p.m..
Thesis One: Typical 24-hour flu
No fever. No nausea. I just had to sleep on a towel, shall we say. And then when I finally got a few hours of sleep uninterrupted by trips to the toilet I woke up AND I HAD TO WASH THE TOWEL SHALL WE SAY.
It just seems too epic to be a mere 24 hour bug.
Thesis Two: Fundamental Physiological Cause
Okay, you may think there's too long between the catalyst and the problem, but last Friday I had a corn dog. I didn't do it blindly. I know what hot dogs do to me, and I thought, "Corn dog? can I schedule this into my day?" As it turned out I had a free half hour, so I ate the corn dog.
But here's what happened: after half an hour I stood up and then gasped as my transverse colon literally moved. It was right below my navel and then suddenly, hello, my bowel's off center now. Like JFK, down and to the left.
I wasn't even going to tell the blog about it, but then it occurred to me that I could call it The Great Bowel Shift, and thenI had no choice.
Still, there's that delay between the corn dog and 2 p.m. Wednesday.
Thesis Three: Food Poisoning
I had the fish.
I have been pining for the Beer Battered Fish at the TeddyJ cafe. It looks so good, but I usually make a better choice. Wednesday, I had woken up with a gnawing painful stomach, and I decided it needed to be filled with deep-fried fish.
I ate two bites of crust and two bites of fish and it was wonky. I bowed to peer pressure ("Take it back!" howled three women who have probably never taken anything back at the TeddyJ cafe) and I returned it. A cafe worker said someone else had brought some back too.
That was at noon. The pain in my stomach got much worse after, and I began randomly gasping in pain and then gurrgling loudly ten minutes later. I took off for home and settled into a 23 hour routine of gasp, then gurgle, then gastric distress, abut twice an hour. Then wash the pajamas.
However, everything has stayed put since 1 p.m. I'm washing everything in hot water and starting over as if it never happened.
Oh man. Hope you're feeling better.
Posted by: Becs | February 10, 2012 at 04:49 AM
A very mild case of norovirus? What's your blood type? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norovirus. (Note: "flu" is respiratory. There's no such thing as "stomach/intestinal flu".)
If it was noro, you were lucky. Noro is only 24 hours, but usually you want to die, literally, but you're too weak to cut your wrists. I am blood type O, and I never want to get norovirus again.
Posted by: ~~Silk | February 10, 2012 at 08:12 AM
Noro only 24 hours? Not at our house. I have had it several times because I am constantly exposed to all sorts of things at work and Noro is one of them. Never lasts less than 3 days and there has always been loads of nausea, vomiting, fever with intense chills, and plenty of uncontrolled diarrhea. We keep Depends in the house. The last round of it was about a month ago. Hit me and them the rest of the department I work for. It is horrible. Sounds like you had something more run of the mill. Still bad enough, hope you are on the mend.
Posted by: Zayrina | February 10, 2012 at 02:21 PM
Oh,dear. I can't remember the last time I even dared to look at food like that. I hope you are feeling better now.
Posted by: Hattie | February 10, 2012 at 02:44 PM
We've has several nasty gut bugs going around here in the past months, but most have been associated with several days of GI upset and sometimes fever and aches. I'm thinking that kind of 911 gut dump is often good ol' food poisoning - wonky fish will do that to ya...
Hope you are feeling better!
Posted by: Mare | February 11, 2012 at 09:36 AM
Nasty. I had campylobacter once (for a week) - no fun at all and I've never felt the same way about liquorice green ever again.
But 'Great Bowel Shift'? Clever!
Posted by: Big Dot | February 11, 2012 at 05:03 PM
Becs - Much much better. All strightened out now, thank you.
~~Silk - Evidently Gary read your comment. Whenever I try to kiss him he backs off and cries "Don't give me your norovirus!"
Zayrina - I would be all mended except I had chocolate cake shots, beer, and wine last night.
Hattie - It's the last time I'll have the fish. Unless it looks perfect. Which will probably be next Wednesday.
Mare - The woman I complained to at the cafeteria said it took 24 hours for food poisining to show up. As I understand it, she was wrong.Didn't she watch Bridesmaids?
Big Dot - Well, that looks awful (you have again sent me to Wikipedia.) Nasty corkscrew stuff.
Posted by: TheQueen | February 12, 2012 at 11:50 PM