Gary came to me yesterday morning. "Look what I did." He led me into the bathroom.
"Sweetie! You purged some of your Life & Style magazines from the magazine container!"
"And look! I unwrapped those Wired magazines I never read and added them!"
"You are so sweet! Our guests will think we're so smart!"
"Well ... I left in the Life & Styles. Where should I put this tube of vaginal ointment?"
"Just leave it out. I still need to use it."
"No, I have to put it away if people are coming over."
"Just throw it in the drawer by the toilet then."
"No. I can't put it there. You have women coming over. They might see it."
People: He put it in the drawer of our nightstand, the one that holds The Joy of Sex and the Lube. Just so you know.
He then complained the speaker system was off because I had insisted long ago the TV not be centered on the wall, but that it be off to one side to reflect that the TV is not the focus of all our attention. (A lie.) That was a permanent decorating falsehood, but there are all kinds of decorating tweaks I make when new people come over. The risotto is in the front of the pantry and the macaroni is in the back. The plastic-handled knives are hidden in shame inside a cabinet while the good knives are out.
The booze, however, is in a spectacular display spread across the counter.
What do you do to put your best face on your house?
Living room: Reference books, law books, leather-bound, antique, and autographed books, "deep" and respected authors (much of which I have yet to read). Oil paintings.
Back rooms: Fiction, craft books, paperbacks, popular writers. Prints and photos.
Actually, maybe it's not so much for appearances as for comfort. I spend more time in other than the living room, so "my" stuff gravitates to where I am.
Medicine cabinet - I innocently hope no one ever opens it.
Posted by: ~~Silk | January 15, 2012 at 01:09 PM
Swiffer up the dog hair.
Posted by: Zayrina | January 15, 2012 at 05:38 PM
Since The Flood, I just don't open the damn door. Well. Actually, it was a long time before that.
Back long ago when I actually had guests, I put the meds away. They already knew I was crazy. I just didn't want to confirm it.
Posted by: Becs | January 15, 2012 at 06:40 PM
Pray that no one goes upstairs...
Posted by: Kristin | January 15, 2012 at 07:04 PM
I vacuum up all the cat and dog hair, that's the main thing. And the leaves that have blown in through the door. I clean the bathroom and if it's my sister who's coming I wipe down the whole kitchen and look for spiderwebs.
Then I gather up the litter of newspapers around my husband's chair and pick some flowers if there are any.
If anyone snoops beyond the public rooms or into cupboards, they deserve all they get.
Posted by: Big Dot | January 15, 2012 at 08:24 PM
We don't invite people to visit. It's the only way.
Posted by: wyo | January 16, 2012 at 06:06 AM
~~Silk- Yep. I bet your tv is in the back too. With a great room, we don't have a living room vs a fancy parlor, so we have to hide stuff.
Zayrina - And that's it? amazing!
Becs - I still put the meds away, but only because I know med thieves
Kristin - Well, they shouldn't if not invited.
Big Dot - If my sister-in-law came over I would spray everything with bleach. Thta way she'd complain about the smell and not the cleanliness.
Wyo - Gary would love that!
Posted by: TheQueen | January 16, 2012 at 04:08 PM