La la la.

So Wednesday, after I got back from the urologist, I called Gary to give him the update.

"I've got both kinds of incontinence, the urge incontinence and the stress incontinence."

(Silence.)

He asked, "What does that mean?"

"Well, it means I can't get the surgery, for one thing, but I didn't really want the surgery anyway. He said I could take drugs for the urge incontinence, and that it's really typical in people with MS."

"Oh, noooo. So that mean you're having MS symptoms now."

"Well ... no. I don't even notice the urge incontinence. Besides, better get used to me having MS symptoms."

"That doesn't tell me anything."

"He didn't tell me anything else."

He got really frustrated. "Why didn't you ask him questions? Does this signify a decline in your MS?"

"No, he said a lot of people without MS have this - what is wrong with you?"

"I gotta go." And he hung up. And I told the phone he was being a tool.

Later that evening at home, I sat on the bed and asked,"What was that all about, on the phone? Why did you get so annoyed?"

I expected, "You called at a bad time," but instead he exploded, "You were just saying 'La la la.'"

"La la la?"

"I hate that! You do that! I ask you about something and instead of answering you just say 'La la la." All flat. When I need you to say 'WOKKA! WOKKA WOKKA!'" He hopped around waving his arms when he shouted 'WOKKA!"

This made me laugh. "Wokka?"

Turns out I don't give him the context. First, and less important, I jumped right into the conversation with, "I've got both kinds of incontinence," instead of, "I had that appointment today. With the urologist. He told me ... " and so on. People at work complain that I do this. However, I would think the man who is supposed to be able to finish my sentences wouldn't need the extra exposition.

Second, I didn't give him the emotional context, the "WOKKA WOKKA WOKKA!" (I felt I did, because I gave him a cheery "Better get used to it!") He was looking for some emotional distress he could argue with, or as he put it, "How else will I know how to feel about it?"

So, in the future I know to lead with the "WOKKA!" If there is no "WOKKA!" I should probably work some up so I am not accused of the "La la la."

Comments

[allison]

Oh my god. I think I might be Gary in this scenario (at least some of it). I'm afraid.

[Becs]

Tell Gary he's being a girl. You get to say things like a quiet "Oh, fuck." on discovering new MS symptoms. WOKKA WOKKA isn't even a part of it!

[TheQueen]

Allison - Ewwww! Are you always digging for the WOKKA WOKKA? Sometimes there IS nothing but La la la.
Becs - Well, I know how it works. One of us must freak out so the other can be strong and supportive. He was feeling strong that day, and was a little pissed I got dibs.