First, I got out of bed at 8 a.m and did the responsible thing: checked my PT time. Of course, it was at 8 a.m.
I pulled on clothes and yelled at Gary, "GET OUT OF MY WAY! NO TIME TO EVEN BRUSH MY TEETH OR WASH MY FACE."
He was shocked. "You're going to wash your vagina, aren't you?"
"Oh! Ellen! DON'T BE GROSS! Wash your vagina!"
I ran into the bathroom and dragged a wet towel across my crotch.
She said my vagina smelled fine when I got there 15 minutes later.
She began fishing around inside with two fingers. I think the dual finger action is new. I was on my back, and she prodded left, right, and upward toward my belly. Nothing hurt.
Then she prodded ... downward. "Ow!" Then she spread her two fingers as far apart as possible and gave me an episiotomy. I have been very brave with the pain up to this point, but this made me squawk. Payback for being fifteen minutes late? Who knows?
Even with the anal / vaginal trauma my base number was 2. I kept holding my breath but I couldn't get steady at 1. I think the scale starts at 0.
The sad news is I can no longer go up to 10, just 9. More sad news: I have to do 30 extra kegels a day, to improve my coordination. Aftre a lifetime of squeeze, let go - now I have to sqeeze, let go halfway, hold it, then let go all the way. Soon I'll have three clench settings I can use. Off, low, high.
The really good news? I choked last night and only a tiny spot of pee came out.