Tami looked at the Cooper post, and commented:
"Hey, that guy had family members who knew that he'd committed the crime, but the people who loved him didn't turn him in while he was alive? Huh!"
So I wondered, what could a family member do that might motivate me to turn them in? I thought I once heard Caroline (#4) say that if her kids committed a crime like, say, treason, she'd turn them in. I believe she later recanted that, or qualified it, or something.(If Rebecca or baby Andrew ever read this: This does NOT mean you can overthrow the government.)
My Mom once suggested I play dumb about something if the government came asking any questions. I was an adult at the time, so I said I just wouldn't answer the phone. However, if Mom killed anyone I'd cover for her.
So, here's my list. Two of these people are dead, so their crimes are cremated with them. (I'm kidding. There were no crimes.)
Money crimes if the victim is a corporation or government
Mom - I'd keep Mum
Dad - I'd keep Mum for Mom's sake
Dave - Sigh. Yeah. I'd keep my mouth shut there too, as long as it wasn't something insane, like half a million dollars. He won't be getting married, so I'd anonymously give back any money after he died
Step-relatives and in-laws - I might not turn them in. But, I'd wear a wire for the corporation.
Money crimes if the victim is an individual
Mom or Dad - Aw, jeez. I'm weak. I'd probably pay the victim back in anonymous gifts out of guilt. Of course, the police would find me out and then say I was complicit in the original crime. Aiding and abetting.
Dave - I think he'd leave so many clues and talk about it so extensively that he'd be caught without any help from me.
Step-relatives and in-laws - I'd leave an anonymous tip to the police. I'm noticing a trend here. Watch your step, in-laws!
Manslughter of an individual
Mom, Dad, Dave - I think I'd get to the point that I'd tell. That would make me crazy. Another family, wondering what happened to their relative? I'd never be able to talk with my family again. And if I turned them in, I'd never be able to talk to them either.
Step-relatives and in-laws - Hang them. I'm on the phone with the authorities.
Murder of an individual
Mom - I'd run like hell and get away from Killer Mom, but I wouldn't turn her in.
Dad - Oh, I'd turn him in. Mom would turn him in. Dave would too.
Dave - I think I'd turn him in, but then lie and say he was off his meds so he could plead insanity.
Step-relatives and in-laws - Huh. I wouldn't back up an alibi, but I'm thinking, could I put an in-law in jail for 20 years. Someone Gary cared about?
Mom - Turn her in
Dad - Turn him in
Dave - Turn him in and form a club with the unibomber's brother. I draw the LINE at mass murder!
Step-relatives and in-laws - Turn them in and go on Piers Morgan.
I just realized I didn't include Gary in this game. Of course, I'd help him bury the bodies. I can say that because Gary is far more ethical than i am.