Not our actual ants. These are stock-brokerin' TeddyJ Republican ants from work.
We are again infested with ants in the kitchen. This has been going on for two months now. First were the tiny tiny fast ants.
We discussed how best to kill the ants. I have only seen the ants destroyed with the wonderful Terra-X. The ants gather around the tasty spot of arsenic and sugar, snarf it down, take it back to the nest and feed it to their children. Ant genocide.
Here is Gary's complaint with Terra-X.
"The ants! They gather around it and you can see them eating the poison! And then they take it back to the nest and feed it to their children!" THAT'S THE POINT ANT GENOCIDE DIE ANTS DIE. Gary feels this isn't sporting.
For a few weeks he crushed the tiny ants individually. Then he mentioned ants to his mother and she says that spraying vinegar on the door thresholds keeps the ants out. (This is per Gary's unreliable report. She could have said "borax, "or "Terra-X works great!" or Gary might have confused the word "vinegar" with the word "ant poison.")
He came home and loaded up a spray bottle with the first vinegar he found: raspberry vinegar from a long gone salad.
Good news: when we were spraying the counter with Fantastik to remove the faint raspberry stain, Gary found that Fantastik kills ants as well as vinegar does.
Of course, this is a daily activity. I wake up and smell the raspberry vinegar and I remember my days as an IHOP waitress, when we used vinegar to clean the raspberry - blueberry - blackberry syrups off the tables. Nauseating.
I think in Gary's heart he loves the ants. He talks to them. If he wakes up and sees them swarming he bellows "FEAR ME" and pretends they scatter.
And now the teeny ants have now grown into full-sized black ants. "Just as easy to kill!" Gary says happily. Next step: he'll probably breed spiders to kill the ants. Or, my god, buy an anteater. And name the anteater and feed it cones of food.