Painting / carpeting / re-wiring Mom's house has added up to a debt that will take several months to knock down. Spunky Labia, International Toe Porn Superstar, is helping with the family finances: she's turned her heel on the snooty West County salon and spends half as much instead at the local mall. She even chose a less conspicuous nail color so maintenance is easier.
In the middle of today's pedicure, the ESL pedicurist stopped delicately rubbing the callous shaver over Spunky's heels and said "Lotion."
The Appendage answered, "Oh, I know, I buy lotion and then I never use it. I'm supposed to put in on my heels before I sleep, but I always get up in the middle of the night and then I make footprints across the wood floor."
"Clear ... thin ..." the pedicurist said, and then went to great pains to explain Saran Wrap without knowing the words cellophane or Saran Wrap or Glad Wrap. The appendage kept saying "Yes! Saran Wrap," and even mimed tearing off a sheet of plastic wrap and getting it all stuck together.
Then the Appendage thought, you know, this doesn't sound like a good idea. This does not add up to a safe cross-section: heel, lotion, cellophane, floor.
The pedicurist said "Your feet very pretty, curvy. Need to look nice."
(Really, those toes are painted. It's just a flesh shade.)
Spunky and I have been walking carefully through the house, feet in lotion-smeared Saran Wrap tucked into slippers, and it is kind of like driving on ice with sport tires.
There needs to be a better way. This cannot be safe. "Don't get up in the middle of the night," is not an option. On the other hand, Spunky is very pretty and must not have goat heels. What to do?