Where we left off:
At one point Tammy, the blond painter's assistant, found me and asked, "Did you grow up in this house?"
"Yes, since I was 11."
"I found a couple of things pushed in the back of the closet shelves."
Well, some of you know my Dad was a Porn Hoarder. I hinted here that we found Porn nests after he died. I really thought we'd found all the porn he'd secreted away.
Deep breath. "Is it porn?" I asked.
Tammy was silent.
Perhaps she can't identify porn, I thought.
"Is it a magazine?"
She was silent.
Then she said, "I put it back on the edge of the closet shelf where I was painting before."
She'd been in MY old room. Dad hid porn in my old room? Ew.
She summoned up the strength to say, "It's a sketch."
Relief. I got the rolled up sketch down from the shelf and unrolled it ... this far.
A hairy male knee. Not porn! "Oh! This is something from Figure Drawing. In college. Ohhhh noooo..."
I unrolled as far as the balls.
Yep. Pure virtuous Christian Tammy had seen balls. And a stylized, scribbly penis.
Then I started wadding it up, and talking, and talking faster and wadding faster.
"Oh, yeah, I was in this Figure Drawing class. I remember this nude model. (wad. crunch.) He was so stoned one day he fell off his stool. (wad! wad! wad!) Figure drawing class was interesting I have no idea why anyone would have kept this sketch it isn't very good."
(Only, I KNOW why my parents would have kept it: the nude model looks uncomfortably like my Dad.
I made a big production of throwing it in the trash can. Then I apologized, said I'd let them get back to work, ha ha, and ran to the back den to hide while I waited for the no-show electrician. Still, before I gave up and left, I rescued the sketch from the trash. I had to explain to the painters that I thought my husband would get a laugh out of it. (What Gary said was, "GOD that's your DAD.")
Thank God, the virtuous blond Christian Tammy laughed and agreed he might find it funny, and I felt less uncomfortable. Until I drove back to the work lot and found the strength to fully unwad the sketch.
That girl on the right? That's Tammy. Of course, it's not present day Tammy, it's the Tammy Doppleganger who was evidently in my figure drawing class in 1981. (See: the feathered bangs.) She looks a little skeeved out, doesn't she? Nice Christian girl (See: cross) with a satyr / Dad leering at her over her shoulder.
And of COURSE I can't apologize to present-day Tammy for having drawn her in a pervy tableau thirty years ago, before she was born. But I WILL. If I ever see her again. Because I can not just shut up.
I am sure that after seeing this image of her and satyr / Dad / Satan that Tammy is so skeeved out she will never have sex. Who knows, perhaps the Hand of God led me to draw this just so Tammy WOULD find it and never have sex.
God works in mysterious ways.