Bend with your knees, people. Right up there with "Sleep with a hat pin."
Yesterday morning I bent at the waist, spread my arms around a heavy footstool, and picked it up, or rather pulled my back and collapsed in pain. My only plans for yesterday were to snuggle in the guest bed and program, so I had no problem there.
I leaned heavily on my experience as a disabled woman's daughter. I wielded my grabby stick with confidence. I got a soda from the bottom of the fridge, cleaned up dog messes, and everything else I was supposed to bend over to do I just tossed on the floor. I chopped up the dog's canned food and rained it down on his plate from four feet up.
The evening was a problem because I was hungry. Gary's been working late on a huge project and I knew he wouldn't be home AND WOULDN'T FORCE HIS PIZZA PREFERENCES ON ME. I'm not talking pizza preferences that can be solved by saying "half pepperoni, half green pepper." No, I mean fundamental issues. Thin cracker pizza with pepperoni and Provel™ cheese (look it up; I can't talk about it), and hamburger pan pizza with normal god-given mozzarella cheese. Cecil B. Whitakers vs Pizza Hit. Snack pizza vs meal pizza. Pizza that sticks to your teeth vs pizza that sticks to your ribs.
So, pizza for dinner with Diet-Rite Tangerine Soda heavily dosed with Peachtree Schapps.
And now that it's after noon on the next day, I think I'll have the same thing for breakfast / lunch, plus anything else I can snag with the grabby stick.
You know, you do have friends who live as close as a mile away who will answer the phone and help you.
Posted by: Caroline | March 26, 2011 at 01:56 PM
They do say, you know, that immobility is entirely the wrong treatment for back pain and that you should keep moving as much as possible. So work that grabby stick; and also? Walk.
Posted by: Big Dot | March 26, 2011 at 06:31 PM
And if the Cone of Food has been replaced by a Shower of Food, well then, I presume your dog is hating you even more now.
Posted by: Big Dot | March 26, 2011 at 06:33 PM
Double solution: walk the dog!
Posted by: Big Dot | March 26, 2011 at 06:38 PM
Oooh, Big Dot is of the Nurse Ratchet variety, no?
I say get Caroline over to make you some blueberry stuffed French toast a la Skylark.
Posted by: Becs | March 27, 2011 at 11:32 AM
Have I ever mentioned that when I grow up, I want to be you? Also, I now want a grabby stick.
Posted by: Scottie Dawg | March 27, 2011 at 10:17 PM
Caroline - I will remember you said that what I am blind or deaf or unable to drive. SHE SAID IT YOU ALL HEARD IT.
Big Dot - Dog LOVED the food shower. And you are right, walking is good for back pain. You can't see it, but I am snapping my grabby stick in your direction for mentioning it.
Becs - I've been reading your recipe on your blog! But, isn't obviously a hamburger bun? I don't know if I could get past that.
Scottie Dawg - I cant imagine what I said to make you envy my life (in this post anyway). But, grabby sticks are essential for everyone.
Posted by: TheQueen | March 27, 2011 at 10:48 PM