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In Which We Mock News Channels, not the Japanese People
Yesterday's news: First off, someone tell Soledad O'Brien the reason Japan doesn't smell like death, like Haiti did, is because it's cold. It's below 40F. It's refrigerated. It's awful, but she should have thought of it.
Today's news: We have the slow-motion nuclear meltdown.
"There was an explosion..." Hours later: "There's been a release of radiation..." Hours later: "There's a fire in the containment system..." Right now it appears "there's been some damage to the containment structure." It's like the old joke about the cat falling off the roof.
The disturbing thing tonight has been the news-network-wide desire to classify the disaster.
Anchor: "Is this the worst case scenario?"
Talking Head: "No. This could be worse."
Anchor: "How? How could it get worse?"
Talking Head: "As meltdowns go, yes, there is melting, but it isn't melted through. It isn't Chernobyl. It's Three Mile Island. Or between Chernobyl and three Mile Island."
Anchor: "So if Three Mile Island is a five, and Chernobyl is a seven, where are we now?"
Talking Head: "This is about a five point five. Right now." (Expectantly) "But it could get worse."
Anchor: (Again) "How? How could it get worse?"
Gary: "Mothra! Screee! Screee!" (Mothra screeching.)
Now they're talking about radiation levels and what isotopes cause what level of damage. "If one is thyroid damage, and five is Mothra, and ten is Godzilla rises from the sea, where are we now?"
We are being lied to in order to keep us little folks from panicking and crashing the stock market or something. Notice how we're getting less and less news as the crisis deepen?
Posted by: Hattie | March 14, 2011 at 10:00 PM
Hate to sound smug, but our talking heads are sweepingly definite: "No danger of nuclear fallout reaching New Zealand whatsoever. The winds blow the wrong way." Which is comfortingly fair, given that we're rabidly non-nuclear, at some historical cost (USA, I'm looking at you).
Posted by: Big Dot | March 14, 2011 at 11:31 PM
These are the times when I'm glad I don't have cable television. Otherwise, I'd be screaming Mothra or Godzilla at the TV.
Posted by: Becs | March 15, 2011 at 04:15 AM
I'm so glad that my personal life is such hell right now that nuclear winter claiming the planet doesn't seem like it would be any worse for me.
Posted by: Tami | March 15, 2011 at 08:43 AM
I just keep waiting for the day we get an email at work telling us that the anti-radiation pills are being handed out free in the health center in our building. Then, it will be time to get my pill and go home and get wayyyy drunk. Because when the gov't gives out things free to their employees for their health, the shit just got real.
Posted by: Amy in StL | March 15, 2011 at 01:02 PM
Hattie - It was worse yesterday. They just this hour mentioned the workers bailed. Remember Chernobyl? They denied it until the fallout cloud moved outside their borders.
Big Dot - Did 1945 fallout get on you? I have never heard that.
Becs - Glad to hear it. I swear Anderson Cooper just said "It's above a Three-mile island, but not a Chernobyl."
Tami - Whaaa? That's sad to hear.
Amy in StL - Cipro with the Anthrax killer comes to mind.
Posted by: TheQueen | March 15, 2011 at 10:12 PM
No, more recent than that: we got frozen out of ANZUS in 1985 because we wouldn't let US nuclear-powered or -armed ships call in to our ports. Relations were chilly for some time.
Posted by: Big Dot | March 15, 2011 at 11:54 PM
How much sea water is getting irradiated?
Anyone have an appetite for sushi?
Posted by: Benchmark | March 16, 2011 at 08:36 AM
Big Dot - I had no idea. I apologize for the US.
Benchmark - Well, no, it'd be partially cooked, wouldn't it? Thought I did just read the fuel rods are only between 100 and 200 F, which seems pretty mild to me.
Posted by: TheQueen | March 16, 2011 at 11:30 PM