We tried to go to bed last night at 11, but the dog wouldn't settle. He planted himself at the foot of the German-Shepherd-weight Grand Carpeted Staircase leading to our bed and barked. We both got up, let him outside, gave him treats, rubbed his belly, checked his ears, and hauled the little bastard up into bed and pinned him there. Every time he'd get free, bound down the Grand Staircase, and bark.
At about 2:30 am we'd tried every configuration of bed, chair, guest bed we could think of. I was in the big bed when Gary picked Mac up, dumped him on top of my head, and then knelt down to whisper sweet comfort to the dog, when suddenly there was a loud bang and Gary - screamed. Gary hauled me out of bed as I screamed back, "Are you okay?" I looked around to see the damage - and our bed had collapsed. It's one of those beds in which the box spring is suspended off the floor, and for about twelve years you could admire the wood floor beneath. For the past eight years a smaller mattress has been stored underneath, so the box spring and my mattress only plummeted three inches. Still. Could have died.
Gary immediately said, "That's what the dog was trying to tell us!"
Well, he immediately said, "That's from all the wild sex we've been having" and THEN he said, "You know you're fat when the bed breaks" and THEN he said the thing about the dog.
But still, we gave the dog credit for sensing the bed was unstable. (A supporting piece broke off.) Of course the blame goes to me, as two days ago I begged Gary for help so we could flip and pivot the mattress. Never flip and pivot the mattress! It could be fatal.
I thought I'd get ahead of the game and shop for a new bed online, since I figured Gary would turn on our bedroom set because it tried to kill us. Instead, Gary is making an effort to rehabilitate the bed by use of a power drill and some screws. It can plot against us next week while we are gone.
Yes, he absolutely knew. Always believe the beasties. Except when they tell you the only way to save the world is to feed them yummies.
Posted by: ~~Silk | February 03, 2011 at 07:34 AM
Now Eve is mad at me because I laughed out loud at what Gary said when the bed broke and I won't tell her why I was laughing. Also, does anyone else want to shoot all the mini pop kids?
Posted by: allison | February 03, 2011 at 04:11 PM
A near escape!
Posted by: Hattie | February 03, 2011 at 06:46 PM
~~Silk - The dogs who cry wolf.
Allison - I had to look up mini pop kids because I had never seen nor heard them. And I can see why you want them dead. I kept the pc on mute based on how they looked.
Hattie - Two miracles: An escape from death, and, Gary fixed something using tools.
Posted by: TheQueen | February 03, 2011 at 10:25 PM
I laughed so hard I had to share with coworkers (I didn't tell them that Gary screamed though). ;}
Posted by: elisabeth | February 04, 2011 at 07:38 AM
Elisabeth - why not share the screaming?
Posted by: TheQueen | February 05, 2011 at 08:59 AM
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Posted by: orthopedic mattress | February 23, 2011 at 01:25 AM