This happened the day we left for the cruise.
We dropped Mac off to be boarded, and came back home to pick up some things before we left for the airport. We pulled into the driveway, and there was a foo-foo girly little white dog peeing on our mailbox.
Thought 1: "Right now our house is being robbed by someone with a dog."
Thought 2: "Little bitch knows Mac's gone. This is a contempt pee."
Gary said, "It's wearing a leash. Jump out and see where it lives."
I jumped out in the snow. In my summer shoes. The little white dog took that chance to bound over the snowbank where I was standing and jog down the street.
I jogged after LWD, and I tried to step on the red leash trailing behind her. But as I went faster, LWD went faster. Always with the leash a few inches ahead of me. Then LWD got far enough ahead that I couldn't catch her.
Then she barked at me.
She barked, "Come on, fat ass. Come get me. I am a sweet helpless dog."
And it went on this way for a few driveways. I'd jog, she'd jog, I'd fall behind, she'd stop and encourage me. We crossed someones front yard, then back yard, then another street.
There was a little brown foo-foo dog alone on a corner lot, barking madly at LWD.
"Oh no," I thought, "Dog fight." Turns out little brown dog was trailing an identical red leash. A red leash that should have been connected to someone.
Little brown dog led little white dog through several sideyards. I'll fall behind, white dog would wait for me and bark, brown dog would wait for her and bark. My own little spirit guides leading me to ... what? What had been on the end of those red leashes?
Well, obviously someone who was now incapacitated, blood from his head wound freezing to the empty sidewalk.
"Come on!" barked the foo-foo dogs. "He needs your help!" They turned a corner and headed straight to the front door of a house, then looked back at me expectantly. The screen door was closed. The front door was open.
Luckily, I didn't have to trespass to find the dead body in the house. At that moment, a living man in a blue sweater came over a hill up the street, yelling "Puppies! Come here!"
"Are these your dogs?" I yelled.
Little white dog then scrabbled desparately at the screen door. She put on a big Production about how she really wanted to be Inside. Outside was awful! This mean woman chased them!
"Yeah, you better get back in Baby!" the man yelled. Then, to me, "Thanks for finding them. I could hear them barking, but I couldn't tell where it was coming from."
I began to tell him I found Baby by my house, just over ... over where?
I had no idea where I was. Luckily I could trace my path back through the snow to home. Gary was there, remarkably calm given that I'd vanished for ten minutes on a day we had to catch a flight. If I see Baby and Not-Baby again I'll just herd them home with the Mini.