UPDATED: Marilyn Monroe's Stuffing Exposed

Gary was fascinated to find that there was a recipe for stuffing witten in Marilyn Monroe's own hand. Here is how that played out.

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Interior, bedroom. Gary is waving his Blackberry in front of his wife's face.

Gary (shrieking): Look at this! We have to bring this to my parents on Thanksgiving!

Ellen: We should test it out first - wait. This is just a photo of a handwritten recipe.

Gary: We could decipher it!

Ellen (Looking at her iPhone): Too late. Somebody already did it.

Gary: Awww. That's no fun.

Ellen: Hm. It's stuffing, but this recipe says you can serve it as dressing too.

Cut to kitchen, evening before Thanksgiving.

Ellen: Do you want the rest of this pound of giblets? The recipe only calls for half a pound.

Gary: Of course! I love giblets! Put the whole pound in!

Ellen: Turkey livers? And hearts? (She waits until he goes back to watching Stargate and she tosses the extra turkey organs in the trash.)

Montage of Ellen chopping and scraping and mixing with her hands and hard-boiling eggs and chopping them.  Close-up of Ellen's disgusted face as she takes water-logged sourdough bread and wrings the water out with her hands. Close-up of Ellen's hands, filled with what looks like sourdough mucus. We see the completed dressing go into the oven.

The timer goes off and she scoops out a morsel for Gary to try. She takes care to get a representative morsel, one with raisins, Parmesan, walnuts, ground beef, sourdough and turkey hearts.

Gary: Ah! Gack! God! (Gary spits dressing into his hand.) God! That is the most awful thing I have ever eaten! (Continues to spit.) Gah! You must have made it wrong!

Ellen (coolly, as Gary goes to wash out his mouth at the kitchen sink): I followed the recipe exactly. It's a disgusting recipe. (Pauses thoughtfully) I'm going to do a little more research and see if anyone actually cooked this recipe.

End Scene.

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And the people at the New York Times did. All I can see that they did differently is they cooked it as a stuffing, I cooked it as a dressing.

Here is their finished product:

 

Here is mine:

 

So, because I am a glutton for punishment, and because I am competitive, and because if professional food artists at the New York Times can make this then why can't I; I am taking that little Corningware bit and cooking it even longer. But first I'm chopping everything up so it's in New York Times dimensions. Wait ... I have a seasoned cast iron skillet. I'm putting it in there. And the rest I'm stuffing into a bird after Thanksgiving to see if that has an effect.

I feel like I'm on Mythbusters with this recipe. Next up: I try to find a 1950's era-stove to cook it in.

If it doesn't work, I promise to re-title this MARILYN MONROE: BUSTED!

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Update: well, turns out I didn't cook it long enough. I'd used the formula you see for modern recipes: Heat at 350 until hot. Instead, put it in a cast iron skillet and cook for another 90 minutes after that.I'd considered putting chicken stock on top, since most recipes call for that, but I did not. And a good thing too: it does turn "gelatinous" as the Times says. Yet still fluffy. It tastes nothing like what you might find inside a bird. It tastes like spicy liver and onions. With notes of raisin nut bread.

I actually am going to bring it to the in-laws. We can see if they all spit it out simultaneously.

Comments

[Caroline]

You know, there may be a reason no one has ever said, "That Marilyn was a hell of a cook!" She tended to do her cooking in rooms other than the kitchen.

[TheQueen]

Caroline - Supposedly,when she hooked up with Joe Dimaggio he wanted her to stay at home and cook. Gary decided the pie I made (and he rejected) was fabulous, perhaps he'll love the dressing tomorrow.