I looked at the spread. "That is some sophisticated chocolate," I said. "But how will I know which flavor is which?"
My flavors were:
Vosges Barcelona Exotic Candy Bar ($7.45)
Pack of 6 Dark Salted Chocolates ($19.95)
Domori D-Fusion Milk Chocolate Bar with Salt ($9.95)
Komforte Chocolate Tortilla, Lime and Salt Milk Chocolate Bar ($2.95)
I decided it wouldn't be hard to tell the difference between Lime Chocolate and the rest, plus only one package looked like a stack of six little mini-bars.
I unwrapped that one and damnit, the chic white wrap was just a cover. They were all clearly labeled.
These were the six dark chocolates. Pangasinan Sea Salt, Turkish Black Pyramid Salt, Halen Mon Gold Oak Smoked Salt, Cherrywood Roasted Salt, Grigio di Cervia Salt, and Moshio Seaweed Salt.
I don't do dark chocolate, but I thought Gary might like to participate. I had him sample the "Grigio di Cervia."
Here, in his words, is his review.
"PAH! PAH! ACK! Engh engh engh. MAN!" (Gagging sounds.) "It's like they dropped a bar of chocolate in the ocean, tried to fish it out, fought an octopus then got it after pulling pieces of seaweed off it, then you ate a mouthful of seawater with bittersweet chocolate."
I checked the label. I had not given him the "Moshio Seaweed Salt." His description seemed very accurate. Perhaps they were mis-labeled.
He refused to try any more of the dark chocolate after that. And I didn't try it, because as I say, I don't like dark chocolate.
We went for the Milk Chocolate Tortilla Lime and Salt bar next.
Gary: "Bleah! Bleah! Fuck! Bleah!"
Those were his final words on the topic: he refused to help after that.
I took a bite. It was an amusing little chocolate that made me laugh: simple and unassuming. Essentially Margaritaville Lime Tortilla Chips dipped in milk chocolate.
I went for the basics after that. I knew that what I need when it is two weeks after I ovulate is just the basics. Chocolate. Salt. Like a grilled chocolate sandwich, only less complex.
It tasted like a chocolate pudding made with an additional quarter cup of Morton's salt poured in. The salt seemed strangely out of place, sad to say. Granted, it was not the week to try this, but it was too one-note.My last-ditch effort hit pay dirt, though.
Okay, picture it is your time of the month, and you go out for a fudge sundae with buttered salted pecans on top. This bar is the layer of salted pecans. I know it has almonds inside, not pecans, I also know that in my non-hormonal state it tasted a little too intensely salted.
I made Gary try it. He only gave it one "Bleah."