Cesar Milan stopped by our house today.
Mac barked at him. "HEY! You with the calm calm-assertive attitude! I sniff your butt!"
Cesar ignored Mac and turned to Gary. "I understand you are having difficulties with your dog."
Gary picked up Mac and held him up so he was eye-to-eye with Cesar. "Yes, this is Mac."
Cesar averted his eyes. "Your dog must smell me first, then I will make eye contact with him."
"What?" Gary said, shocked. Mac leaped from Gary's arm to Cesar's shoulder and clawed the Dog Whisperer's scalp.
Gary reassured Cesar. "That means he likes you!" Still, Cesar put Mac down on the floor.
"I am the pack leader. He may not claw my scalp. I will not make eye contact with him until he - until - is he peeing on my foot?"
"Enjoy!" Mac barked, wagging his tail.
"That usually means he's hungry," Gary explained. "Food, Mac! Foodsies!"
Cesar explained back, "By remaining calm before mealtime, you will help your dog do the same. Make sure Mac has reached a calm-submissive state before you put the food in front of him."
"CONE OF FOOOOOOOD!" Gary screamed, and put the plate down.
"COOOOOOOOOOOOOONE" Mac howled back. "LOVE the cone!"
"You are not being a calm-assertive pack leader. You need to give your dog exercise, discipline, and affection, in that order."
Mac barked happily, "If I had balls, hey, you could SUCK them!"
Gary said, "Yeah, that won't work for us." And then Cesar left.
Mac asked,"Who was that weirdo? He kept pretending I wasn't here."
Umm, this is being satirical and humorous, right? I so hope so.
Posted by: Carolyn Cordon | April 28, 2010 at 10:40 PM
HA HA! Splendid form you're on today, Queen.
Posted by: Big Dot | April 29, 2010 at 02:38 AM
We need Cesar to come here next. Nothing better than being barked at by a pug.
Posted by: Kate | April 29, 2010 at 09:34 AM
I do my damndest to be all Cesar when around my friends' dogs. Their dogs love me.
Then again, maybe it's the bacon in my pocket.
Posted by: Sherri | April 29, 2010 at 10:12 AM
Carolyn Cordon - (hi) I can see how this would concern you as a dog trainer / breeder. Are you concerned Cesar believes affection comes last or that Mac gets a cone of food?
Big Dot - Friend #3's idea
Kate - Is it a demanding sharp bark? Mac could show up on sonar.
Sherri -Bacon makes everyone friends.
Posted by: TheQueen | April 29, 2010 at 11:51 PM