Search Me

Here's what really bothers me about Ligit searches: Spunky Labia International Toe Porn superstar has only a tenuous hold on the top three Ligit searches on my own blog, now that the Penis Painter is back at the easel. 

Now, google searches fall into four categories.

People who don't click through when I obviously have the perfect answer.

eileen fisher fat women -  Perfect combo. You can buy a little scrap of silk tank from Eileen for $199. You COULD get a tank in a similar color at Target, but it will not have the "shape we love: shaped at the bust, easy at the hem." Ask me anything about being a fat woman in Eileen Fisher. How could you not click my link?

inlaws do no mention my deceased dad at first easter dinner prayer - Talk to me about inlaws and Easter and prayers and deceased parents. I would have chucked a ham at them. I hope you did.

lobster vomit - I HAVE VIDEO. Video of lobsters vomiting! Why so standoffish?

 

People I know I could be friends with if they clicked through.

 

my youth is gone old age sucks - yeah, sister.

 

underboob sweat - Oh! I know! And how about the rough underboob skin that you're afraid to look at?

 

"i have no friends" +"power of attorney" - Aw, geez. Come right here into my bosom. We need to have a suicide pact.

 

farty smell iud - It's the level of detail this person exhibits that charms me. How do you know it smells? Did it smell when it came out of the package? Or, did it smell when it came out of ... you? Because I'm thinking there might be a proximity issue there. Or, is it in you and someone is nice enough to blame your IUD?

People who visit and quickly discover I am not what they are looking for.

how bubblegum is made instructions from cookbook  - this was was a hot trend. I don't have any idea how to do this, but I'm damn sure you throw the pot away after.

congested vagina - lady with the congested vagina, I am sorry. Mine just ended up being a yeast infection.

 

People who visit and I wonder why (and yes, iron lung bondage is still looking).

 

wild boar minipulation queen mediocrete - I have never manipulated a wild boar. Who are you looking for? Why would you think I would do that? And then you stayed for 6 minutes. And then another time you stayed for an hour. You could make a bookmark.

Comments

[Kathy]

My long-abandoned blog still gets hits from someone searching for "emo party."

[magpie]

But maybe you've been minipulating boars?

[Amy_in_Stl]

This makes me want to come up with unique ways to end up with your blog in the search results. If I had a little more free time; I'd be all over it. Come to think of it, tonight after happy hour and some beer... I might be.

[TheQueen]

Kathy - There's still some 15 year old emo kid with a mother who thows him birthday parties.
Magpie - Or Boers.
Amy_in_Stl - nope, not worth it. Drink free of direction.