I was curled up in bed, a little down because Gary decided to stay at work instead of buying me Christmas gifts, and Gary decided to stay at work instead of coming home, and Gary decided to stay at work instead of any of the other more entertaining Love Languages, and also because Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins are breaking up after 23 years.
I'm six months away from my 25th anniversary and it bothers me when long-time loves go south. I wonder what went wrong because it's probably just as wrong in my marriage too.
Like, I was wondering about their sex life, because when it's been over twenty years, people, the LOVE has been MADE. A young person was listening to me and another 20+ woman as we were describing our seduction techniques, such as barking "When are we doing this thing?"
"But that's awful. The best part of making love is lighting the candles and the soft music and the romance," the young person said.
We answered, "That is a waste of time. The orgasm feels just as good if you spent two hours getting there or five minutes. It's like if you could get the best steak of your life at the Steak and Shake drive-thru. Just as good in a tenth the time."
"But what about the love?"
The love is there. The intimacy is there. But do you remember during the months after 9/11, when Tina Fey reported on SNL Weekend Update that Ashcroft would be putting the US on high alert, said, "I think I speak for all Americans when I say: 'Bitch, I can't be any more alert than I already am!'" Bitch, I can't be more in love. The love pop-up timer has popped. It doesn't get more intimate than this.
So after you plateau at the peak of love and intimacy, you start to think, "Wouldn't it be fun to go all the way back to the beginning with someone completely different?"
And I imagine I would start acting on such thoughts were I hot like Susan or Tim. However, Gary and I wisely planned ahead and got dumpy and old, unlike Tim and Sue. That was their big mistake. Gotta think ahead.
And now that I think about it, I imagine in a few years we'll both have changed (aGAIN) and it will be like we're back at the beginning again anyway. Might as well sit tight.
Has anyone been married more than 25 years? Does it get even more intimate? Do we start to hear each other's thoughts? Warn me.