Previously seen on In-law Christmas '09"
Sister in law: "No, let's just do two presents each."
Gary's Mom Wilma: "I don't have the energy to make the whole Christmas Buffet of Fingerfoods. I'll just make the salad and dip and 200 cookies. Your sister will bring the sandwiches and meatballs and you bring something else. Just not dessert, because we have cookies, and no salad, and no entrees, but finger food."
Gary's Dad: (has hearing aid turned off) (Smiles.)
The parent in laws are covered and this weekend is designated as the time to get something for the siblings in law. But HA HA (Laugh of Panic: think of it like the Cha-Chun! on Law and Order) the sister-in-law called.
"It is supposed to snow on Christmas Eve!"
Gary and I on speaker reassured her, "No, they never know what's going to happen a week from now."
She said, primly, "I am looking right now at Weather.com, and it says 'significant snow.'"
"So," she continued, "I was talking with Mom and she said we should move Christmas Eve up to tomorrow." (Wilma, I am sure, said "No one else will go for this.")
"I'm not going for that," Gary said, "I have to go in to work at 4:30 am. I'll be dead."
"Plus," I added, "You won't get anything from us. We aren't done."
"Oh, that's okay," she had the grace to add. She called half an hour later to "give us ideas," which again puts us right back to errand-shopping.
So, today is Christmas-eve eve! We'll be relying on KFC for Chistmas Fingerfoods, since they'll be open. And I have already assembled a nice assortment of possible gifts for Karen:
A lovely pillow that says Feliz Navidad that I got Friday from Karla at work, particularly apt since Karla is Hispanic and funny.
A lovely absorbent cloth one should put under one's dishrack that I got from Larry at work, because Larry cares about the environment and wasting water.
A lovely boxed teabag with proceeds going to St. Jude's Hospital that I got from Jennifer at work, also apt because Karen had her spinal surgery at 13 at St. Jude's. You know, the surgery that generated such indulgent pity from her family that she still to this day feels she should get anything she wants that trapped her in a hospital bed for a year in their living room so she has issues with control and privacy adhered a giant metal stick to her spine.
Actually, this is great for me, because I get to have a Christmas eve and Christmas day for once with Gary and only Gary. I think I'll make a ham. Oh wait - I'll bet you anything he still goes there Christmas eve next week. Because it will not snow, you know that. Because you are sane.
Mmm. Not just one but two opportunities to observe festive in-law canine masturbation. Your cup runneth over.
I'm wishing you a week-long blizzard starting now.
Posted by: TravelSkite | December 19, 2009 at 09:28 PM
Perhaps Karen would prefer to celebrate Hanukkah? Cuz, basically, I'm done. And no snow!
Posted by: 3 | December 20, 2009 at 09:36 AM
Plus, she's very skilled at guilt.
Posted by: 3 | December 20, 2009 at 09:39 AM
We celebrated Christmas with the ILs last night and now get Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to ourselves (minus the 5 hours I owe Teddy J on Thursday morning). Hide Gary's car keys and enjoy yourselves. Or, you come to our house while he is at their house. We'll have wine.
Posted by: Caroline | December 20, 2009 at 08:46 PM
Big Dot - No, it's over, and it wasn't bad. And, lord, yesterday I had an EARFUL about how I was using the word Masturbation in the same sentence as his mothers name. So I was catious and edited today's post. Originally it said, "One of my mother-in-law's gifts was a vibrator for the dog. No, really, it was a package of Host."
3 - She was quite cheerful and laid back today. Did she thank anyone for their trouble, no, but whatever.
Caroline - funny, I just got reproved for drinking a Bartles and Jaymes Fuzzy navel flavored malt cooler.
Posted by: TheQueen | December 20, 2009 at 11:39 PM
You drank a Bartles and Jaymes Fuzzy navel flavored malt cooer? Shame on you. I thought I taught you better than that.
Oh, I'm a failure because The Queen won't drink real alcohol.
Posted by: Hot Mom | December 22, 2009 at 08:31 PM
Here's the deal - I had that peach sangria and then that weekend I had something at Max and Ermas called Jacks Peach tea. Heaven. Wine cooler was the closest I could find in the store.
Posted by: Thequeen | December 23, 2009 at 10:15 AM
Please, do this next time instead.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/bobby-flay/whiskey-spiked-peach-iced-tea-recipe/index.html
Posted by: Hot Mom | December 23, 2009 at 08:22 PM
Hot mom - well, now I'm trying this. It skips that non-alcoholic tea crap.
http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink5785.html
Posted by: TheQueen | December 23, 2009 at 09:42 PM