So, driven by a threat of snow as solid a ten-day weather forecast, the in-laws moved the Christmas Eve celebration up to today. It made for a stressful day yesterday, but it's nice to have the family Christmas done.
One of my mother-in-law's gifts was a package of Host. Yes, Host, with a capital H. Host. Dehydrated Jesus. ("Jesus was made of crackers? - South Park.) Great disappointment because it wasn't round, but perhaps they were the Christmas wafers shown on the link.
There was also a question of if it was blessed, but Gary's parents are now Charismatic Catholics and have a more bottom-up view of Catholicism. Wilma went rogue, blessed it, and went about giving communion to everyone. I tried, I really tried not to make any smart remarks, but my brother-in-law was having stomach pains, so his Jesus just wasn't agreeing with him. Wilma then explained transmogrification and how through the body of Christ we become like Christ. I had to ask if Mr. Wonderful still had his double hernia, or if Christ had a double hernia too.
Wilma took pity on Gary, who had been up all night, so we didn't sing any Christmas carols. We went home and slept instead. I have to say, I do kind of like my in-laws. Did you get communion at your in-laws? Ha! No, bet you didn't.
But, but, but... SERIOUSLY??? No! You must be joking. Are you? She gave communion??? Can ordinary people DO that? It's so many kinds of wrong I don't know where to begin. And I'm not even religious.
Yeah, you're joking. Have to be.
Posted by: TravelSkite | December 20, 2009 at 11:55 PM
Big Dot - No. It wasn't somber and organized, but she said "Who wants communion" and I was up for it, then she said "This is the body," and I resisted snapping it out of her fingers like a dog, and then she placed it on my tongue and I said "Amen," and then I commented on the lack of taste of Jesus, then she and I talked a little about transmogrification. God will strike me dead soon.
Posted by: TheQueen | December 21, 2009 at 02:38 AM
Nah, you're sweet. Just get her to hear your confession and you're sorted.
Posted by: TravelSkite | December 21, 2009 at 02:41 AM
The priest who runs the Bible study I attend sporadically is of the Charismatic stripe. Not only does he not think laity should administer communion, but he wants to go back to on your knees at the rail with your tongue stuck out. I kind of like the tongue stuck out method. I used to worry all the time about dropping the Host on the floor.
Posted by: Becs | December 21, 2009 at 05:00 AM
You know, just this morning I was thinking about how if we ever met in person (despite being in the same place at the same time for 2 weeks of our lives so far without meeting), I can NEVER meet Gary's mother. NEVER. Could not look her in the face. The dog thing was bad enough, but now Host? Nope can't ever happen.
Posted by: Tami | December 21, 2009 at 09:00 AM
heh heh heh. That's funny.
Freddie just managed his first communion at our church as a Deacon. After the service, he was cleaning up in the church kitchen and he asked one of the little old ladies who prepare the crackers and grape juice before the service, "What do we do with the leftover little glasses of grape juice that have already been poured?" He was about to pour it down the sink when one of the ladies stopped him and was all, "Oh, don't do THAT. Just pour it back into the juice bottle, we can still use that next time."
Ewwwwwwwwwww!
Armed with this new piece of information, Freddie emailed the associate pastor and asked him to "kindly throw out the opened bottles of juice on Monday morning."
Recycled, stale, and previously breathed on "Jesus"? That's just WRONG.
By the way, I did not know you could buy Host. We just use unsalted saltines that we crinkle up inside the wrapper and then pour out onto a plate!
Posted by: Erin G. | December 21, 2009 at 03:34 PM
I'm not sure how I would have reacted if someone tried to hand out host. And did you notice on that link that there's one that breaks into 69 pieces. Sixty-nine.... that's wrong.
Posted by: Amy in StL | December 21, 2009 at 04:14 PM
About a year ago we were making pita pizzas at home. I gave Rebecca a piece of cold Canadian bacon to try before putting it on her pita. She liked it. Then she got all excited and asked, "Is this what you and Daddy eat at the front of the church?"
Posted by: Caroline | December 21, 2009 at 08:40 PM
Big Dot - Hail Wilma, Full of Grace
Becs - Wilma does it Tongue Stuck Out.
Tami - Oh, no. You can't think that. Sure, she passes Host around at parties like reefer, but she's really sweet.
Erin G - I didnt know you could buy "golden" and "amber" Blood of Christ. Weird.
Amy in StL - I was driving home and trying to remember if 69 is prime. Whew - got home and saw it's not a grid.
Caroline - Next time say "the Body of Christ" and put it on her tongue. I bet she'll play Mass with all of her friends.
Posted by: TheQueen | December 21, 2009 at 10:27 PM
I am going to pretend I am a church and order me a case of that sacrament wine and stay smashed all holiday season.
Posted by: Hattie | December 22, 2009 at 07:29 PM
Hattie, I'm on my way over...
Queen, Wilma scares the crap out of me.
Posted by: Hot Mom | December 22, 2009 at 08:26 PM
Hattie -do you even have to pose as a church? Jesus for everyone!
Hot m - noooo... She's sweet
Posted by: Thequeen | December 23, 2009 at 10:20 AM
Hilarious. And I have to agree with Hot Mom: Wilma scares the crap out of me.
Let me know when she see the Virgin Mary in her Metamucil.
Posted by: 3 | December 23, 2009 at 11:31 PM
3 - Duh! And we got her a toaster for Christmas! How did we not get her the toaster that burns the image of the Virgin Mary on the bread?
Posted by: TheQueen | December 23, 2009 at 11:37 PM