Woof.

Woof!
WOOF!
How dare you ignore my demanding bark? Attend to me!

Better.
This is Mac the dog.

Did she even bother to tell you I had surgery? The doctor had to remove a foot boil. And afterward I DIDN'T FEEL WELL AND DIDN'T EAT FOR A WEEK.

She didn't tell you, did she? Because she and the male have been sick and making a big production of it. They start barking, and then making gurgling hacking sounds and yodelling up snot and talking about lew-gees, whatever that is.

Finally - hey - are you listening to me? I can pee for attention too. I don't have to bark. Okay! Finally they stopped hacking long enough to notice I wasn't eating my rice topped by Bob Evans hand shredded turkey. The female read some article on hypoglycemic dogs and I got some honey roast nuts and Ted Drewes strawberry frozen custard.

That got old the next day, so then the male came back from the store with ham salad , chicken-pecan salad, and meatloaf.

"Yum!" the bitch said.

"No!" the male shrieked, "These are for the dog!"

I sniffed all of those things, but they just didn't speak to me. Then he started with the filet-mignon dog treats, rolled honey chicken treats, Pupperoni. The Milk-Bone treats I remembered from my puppy days didn't even appeal to me.

THEN he pulled out this can of stuff. I sniffed it in the air and started lapping the plate while it was still empty. The food bounced off my head and then I gobbled it down. It was the best stuff ever. It was something called dog food. It comes in a can.

Canned Dog Food.

Food! Made for DOGS! Fuck me, that is genius.

Comments

[Hattie]

Same is with my dog. The cheapest supermarket canned dog food is what he likes. Woof woof!

[Becs]

Yeah, the cats. They love that 9 Lives stuff made from ground up road kill.

[Candy]

Yeah, kitty carbs is what that 9Lives is. That's why they love it, who doesn't love carbs.

I have a friend with a poodle who buys the dog chicken and beef in the meat aisle and mix it with homemade brown rice. She swore the dog wouldn't eat actual dog food. And then she'd bring her to my house, where she would delicately walk into the kitchen and scoff down my dog's kibble.

[SurprisingWoman]

Bwahahaha, this was great.

Yeah, when animals don't feel well giving them the cheap stinky canned stuff. Mmmmm guts, noses and tendons.

I am glad he 's feeling better.

[Caroline]

After all those years of cone shaped gluttony, all Mac wanted was to eat like a dog. Sweet, sweet irony.

[Big Dot]

Yeah, food shaped like a cone, that's pretty off-putting for a dog. Think about it. What shape are those fake-poo joke things you can buy? They're like that for a reason, GARY, because that's how dog food is meant to end up, not start out as.

Then again, poo-shaped poo, dogs, unsavoury habits, poo-shaped food... GENIUS, Gary!

Except, dog, picky eater? Does not compute.

I own a Labrador.

[TheQueen]

Hattie - Is that Alpo? You should hear the vet rant about Alpo.
Becs - I thought 9-lives was good. Isn't that what Morris the Cat was famous for eating?
Candy - Maybe dogs just eat whatever anyone else has, dog or human. Hey dog! this kibble is mine. Hey human! This grilled cheese is mine.
Surprising Woman - Just moments ago Gary commented "Mac is in the best health of all of us. Maybe we should eat dog food."
Caroline - I think he's doing it just to be difficult. He likes to keep us on our toes.
Big Dot - My dogs are not and have never been poo-eaters. Besides, Mac does not make a cone. See http://mocklog.typepad.com/queen_mediocretia/2007/10/a-post-under-pr.html